Bidding

So, I love reading, but don't do it often. I'm currently reading about four books, and have been since the beginning of summer. The one I have gotten farthest in, is a book by John Gottman, a renowned family scientists who has done a lot of research on family interactions. He's published countless articles and several books, including a bestseller. I haven't read that one though. The one I'm reading now is called The Relationship Cure. I first heard about it in my MFHD 160, I think, several years ago. The ideas explored in it fascinated me, so I finally decided to buy the book on amazon and read it. The basic premise of the book is that people are constantly "bidding" for attention and emotional connection with others. It can be done verbally, nonverbally, clearly, or through "fuzzy bidding". And there are three general ways to respond to bids. You can turn towards (laughing at a joke, responding positively to a question, smiling, seeking clarification, etc), turn away (ignore or change the topic, etc), or turn against (ridicule the comment or commenter, accuse, contemptuous eye rolle, etc).

Gottman has found that in happy marriages, partners more commonly turn towards the bids of the other. He as also found that those who tend to turning away from bids typically lead to a quick end of the relationship, and turning against leads to a slow and rocky dissolution. And he relates these principles to marriages, friendships, coworker relationships, adult sibling relationships, etc. I find it fascinating. I found it especially interesting that ignoring someone leads to a terminal relationship much more quickly than being rude or volatile. But I suppose that makes sense. When cohesion dissolves into co-existence and disconnectedness, and a lack of relationship exists except in name, it is difficult to want to work for it. At least I've felt that way with past roommates. And even with old friends. When it feels like they don't care enough to respond (turning away) to emails or calls (forms of bids), its hard to keep putting in effort, and eventually those former ties waste away.

It is my belief that these principles and patterns apply to our relationship with Diety. Not entirely, because I believe firmly, that the Lord's "hand is stretched out still" regardless of how much we turn away or turn against His invitations. But, I do feel that the more we turn away from promptings of the Spirit, or invitations to pray or study the scriptures and other opportunities to commune with the Lord, that we are turning away. And as we do, it become more difficult to recognize bids or feel a need to respond. Conversely, I believe that as we do turn towards the Lord, that His presence will become more manifest, or relationship will become stronger, and we will find evidences of His hand in our lives more abundantly. And I'm confident that as we make bids, through praying in faith and studying the scriptures and worshiping in holy places, that the Lord will always turn towards us, which in turn strengthens our faith.

Anyway, I love learning and the eternal truths inherent in so much of science.