Bidding

So, I love reading, but don't do it often. I'm currently reading about four books, and have been since the beginning of summer. The one I have gotten farthest in, is a book by John Gottman, a renowned family scientists who has done a lot of research on family interactions. He's published countless articles and several books, including a bestseller. I haven't read that one though. The one I'm reading now is called The Relationship Cure. I first heard about it in my MFHD 160, I think, several years ago. The ideas explored in it fascinated me, so I finally decided to buy the book on amazon and read it. The basic premise of the book is that people are constantly "bidding" for attention and emotional connection with others. It can be done verbally, nonverbally, clearly, or through "fuzzy bidding". And there are three general ways to respond to bids. You can turn towards (laughing at a joke, responding positively to a question, smiling, seeking clarification, etc), turn away (ignore or change the topic, etc), or turn against (ridicule the comment or commenter, accuse, contemptuous eye rolle, etc).

Gottman has found that in happy marriages, partners more commonly turn towards the bids of the other. He as also found that those who tend to turning away from bids typically lead to a quick end of the relationship, and turning against leads to a slow and rocky dissolution. And he relates these principles to marriages, friendships, coworker relationships, adult sibling relationships, etc. I find it fascinating. I found it especially interesting that ignoring someone leads to a terminal relationship much more quickly than being rude or volatile. But I suppose that makes sense. When cohesion dissolves into co-existence and disconnectedness, and a lack of relationship exists except in name, it is difficult to want to work for it. At least I've felt that way with past roommates. And even with old friends. When it feels like they don't care enough to respond (turning away) to emails or calls (forms of bids), its hard to keep putting in effort, and eventually those former ties waste away.

It is my belief that these principles and patterns apply to our relationship with Diety. Not entirely, because I believe firmly, that the Lord's "hand is stretched out still" regardless of how much we turn away or turn against His invitations. But, I do feel that the more we turn away from promptings of the Spirit, or invitations to pray or study the scriptures and other opportunities to commune with the Lord, that we are turning away. And as we do, it become more difficult to recognize bids or feel a need to respond. Conversely, I believe that as we do turn towards the Lord, that His presence will become more manifest, or relationship will become stronger, and we will find evidences of His hand in our lives more abundantly. And I'm confident that as we make bids, through praying in faith and studying the scriptures and worshiping in holy places, that the Lord will always turn towards us, which in turn strengthens our faith.

Anyway, I love learning and the eternal truths inherent in so much of science.

Preaching in Prison

Tonight was a lovely evening. It involved going to prison. I saw my future sister-in-law there. Well, I saw her going to her car after work. I was in another car in the parking lot about to go inside. I later sent her a text saying that I saw her leaving the prison and that I think she is cool. I hope she knows my number or that was probably really, really creepy. Anyway, on to the goodness.

A while back I received an email from the SLFSA about a service opportunity in the prison, and I responded that I would be interested in participating. Today I participated. For the past few months, each month, three SFL students have been going to the prison to teach the Enrichment lesson to the RS sisters there. The topic assigned by the coordinator related to rituals and routines. So I prepared my 10 minute lesson outline and went excited for a new experience.

And it was a great experience. I loved listening to the other teachers. I loved listening to the women there. And I loved teaching. Before my turn came, I had a specific prayer in my heart. I prayed that the Lord would bless me to be able to teach well, that I would be able to engage the sisters in the learning process, and to be able to touch the heart of at least some sister in a way that would bless her life. And, as is to be expected, the Lord answered my prayer. I didn't cover much material. Granted, a few times when I was inclined toward my outline the thought came to me "Don't cover material, teach and listen." And so I kept my mouth closed at times, and opened it at others and it was filled. I'm not entirely sure what of what I said was of worth, but I felt the spirit. And there was a lot of animated participation. And there were even some tears shed. I felt very blessed and grateful.

And those women were amazing. The spirit in that room of the prison was so strong it was amazing. And their comments, desires and testimonies were wonderful. While another student was teaching, one of the sisters mentioned what baptism meant to her. I think I take advantage of my baptism. She mentioned that after having been excommunicated, that being able to be rebaptized someday meant that she could start fresh and clean with all of her mistakes erased. It was beautiful.

Afterwards, I spoke with one of the sisters from the RS presidency and she told me about the strength of these women and the changes that are visible within weeks of someone first beginning to attend church services. She also mentioned some recidivism stats for church members. Those who go through a program the church has there have about a 75% less chance of returning to prison than those who do not. That is amazing.

Anyway, it was a good day. Plus I really enjoyed the car ride talking with some impressive School of Family Life students. I love the gospel. And I'm grateful to be a BYU student.

My Krister

Rach reading the call at home

My sister Kris recently decided to serve a mission. She filled out the necessary paperwork, did the necessary medical appointments, and went through the necessary interviews. And last week, she received her mission call in the mail. Granted, it was mailed home to Arizona and she happened to be in Utah working Stadium of Fire at the time. Well, she decided that she would be content to have family at home open it and read it to her on the phone while she was surrounded by peeps here in Utah. Way to share the joy. Due to a dead phone and a lack of charger, the circle of peeps was limited to myself. She'd hoped that my brother and sister-in-law-to-be would join us, but they were busy climbing a greased pole for money in Salina. So rad. But, in an effort to include them, Kris made the call to open the call from Sherry's front porch. Well, I suppose it would be the side porch technically.

So there we were. Kris was sitting on the white wicker rocking chair beside a sweet-looking Schwinn and a hammock. I was sitting on the doorstep stair pulling straw off the broom. My bad. Kris called home on my cell. The family was already gathered with Em and Scott and our cousin Susan to join in the ritual. Kris chatted a bit and then got to business. She selected Rachel to be the opener and reader. Tender. She started reading, "Sister Kristi Ellsworth..." and then she got to the part we were waiting for: Florida Ft. Lauderdale Mission.

Strains of Will Smith's "Miami" started flooding my head as I was thrilled for my sister to have her call, and slightly awed since that is the same mission Melanie's younger brother has been called to serve in. And I could tell Kristi was excited. She has had several friends who had served in that mission, and she had been contemplating moving to Florida for the summer a few months back. So excellent. Then she asked about the language. Rachel read on. What a stud. American Sign Language. Whoa buddy! Kris tried to act calm and reserved, but I could tell she was pleased and excited.

I'd talked to her weeks previously about her dream mission call, and she'd expressed a desire to get called ASL. And it happened! Awesome! So yeah, my little sister is going to serve a mission. She reports September 9th. I'm so excited. And in a few more months, The Norster gets her call. I love my sisters. And missionary work. And I'm excited to have gotten to share that moment with my little sis. Beautiful.

Kris & I on graduation day

Credit where credit is due

I blogged about the adventure of traveling back from Canada to Provo and the unexpected delay in our journey. However, I failed to acknowledge the blessings inherent in that experience. So I want to do so now.

Okay, so our journey began rather late. We said a prayer and took off at roughly 11pm of Canada Day. I had gotten a good 8 hours of sleep the previous night, but learned that my other two travel companions only had about 4.5 hours of rest. The night before, I had been up until 1:30 playing games and watching Harry Potter, and I was exhausted by the time I got to bed! My eyelids were exceedingly heavy and my eyes hurt to be open, so great was my fatigue.

So we took off at 11. I stayed awake during Sam's 11-2 driving shift and then drove starting at 2am. Somehow, even at that late/early hour, even though my mind, body and eyes should have been exhausted as they were the preceding evening, I felt very alert, awake and free from anticipated discomfort associated with sleep deprivation. When we broke down 3.5 hours later, I was still feeling as though I could have safely kept truckin for several more hours.

Furthermore, if the car had to break down, we picked a good spot for it. We were at the interchange/exit for Dillon. Previous to Dillon the only real place with people, and potentially phone service (I don't really know that), was Butte, which was over an hour away. But we were in a place near people and a mechanic, we had close landmarks for explaining where we were. We had AAA roadside assistance to connect us with a local tow-truck and mechanic. And we weren't stranded in the middle of no where.

So I feel that I was blessed with strength beyond my own to stay awake and alert and I felt that we were blessed with very favorable circumstances all things considered. Meaning, if we had to break down, it was much better than it could have been. So yeah, I felt blessed. Plus we managed to get the ride to Butte and the rental car was much less expensive than anticipated. Good times.

Canada D'eh and week

Some highlights from my trip to Canada:

Saturday:

Flew from SLC to Lethbridge.

Saw Valerie again.

Met Charles for the third time.

Met James for the first time. Love.

Saw the sights of Lethbridge, Alberta.

Sunday:

Sang hymn 342, O Canada in sacrament meeting. All 4 verses. Standing.

Attended Young Womens. The theme has a new addition every time I go.

Had a barbeque at Charles' Auntie's house in Magrath.

Went to the Cardston Temple grounds

You can't really tell from this picture, but there is an owl and its owlets on the temple. It was tender.

Monday

Visited Waterton National Park

Saw Cameron Falls & Lake

Had a picnic

Saw wildlife, including but not limited to several deer and a bear

The mountain directly behind me in this picture is in Montana. Oh America, 'twas lovely to see you from afar.

Wednesday

Canada Day!
Wore matching shirts all day

Visited some festivities at Henderson Park

Visited another park and heard some band's adaptation of "Sweet Home Alabama" to "Sweet Home Alberta"

Barbeque for dinner

Here are a few more pix from the week:

A ride for a ride

I arranged my trip to Alberta in such a way that I would be able to catch a ride back to Utah with Sam, an acquaintance with whom I had lots of mutual friends. Anyway, it was determined that we would take off the night of Canada Day and drive through the night so as to arrive back late Thursday morning. But alas, things don't always happen as you plan.

It started out well. We passed through customs at around midnight, and headed south. There were three travelers, so we worked it out so that there would be a driver, someone to keep the driver awake and the third person who was free to sleep. For the first three hours (from 11pm-2am) I was the keep the driver awake person. Then, at 2am, it was my turn to drive. I drove through the mountains, filled up at Butte, and was still driving when the car started acting funny. And when I say 'funny', I'm not talking about it exhibiting an active sense of humor. Rather, it was acting uncharacteristic of a well-functioning automobile. You see, as we were approaching the town of Dollan, it started emitting white smoke, first from the tailpipe, and then from the engine. I pulled over. It was about 5:20am.

A tow truck, mechanic shop, a phone call and several hours later, it was determined that we had likely blown a head gasket and that repairing the problem would take more money than the vehicle was worth. So we got to problem-solving. Sam called the Greyhound Station and several rental car agencies for estimates. We soon determined that our best option was to rent a car and drive it one-way to SLC out of Butte, Montana. Problem was, Butte was a good hour or more north of us and we didn't know how to get there. We considered the option of renting a car for the day from the town we were in to go up there, but it was crazy-expensive. We wondered if the place we would rent from would drop off the vehicle. They would, but it would cost over $100. No thanks. And then I proposed another option.

The tow truck driver who'd taken us to the auto shop earlier had mentioned that if the car ended up being beyond repair, and that if we wanted to get rid of it, that he had a junk yard and could take it off our hands, but couldn't pay for it. Well, we decided to call him and ask if he'd be willing to give us a ride to Butte, in exchange for the ownership of Sam's now retired ride, the broken-down Honda Civic. And he agreed.

So, we rode for over an hour with a small-town tow truck driver. It was beautiful. He had a great accent, and some fascinating ideas. He was very talkative, and a salt-of-the-earth good guy. He was incredibly conservative in regard to his stance on guns. He told us about Planet X. And a quoteable quote from the ride was "It's about time that Mother Earth flushed the toilet again." He was a gem. I got to talk to him for a while while the others were arranging the rental car. It was fun to hear about how he and his wife got married, how he ended up starting his own tow truck business, etc. I serioulsy loved it. It reminded me of being in India and doing ethnographic interviewing. So interesting.

Anyway, we got home safely to Provo about 7 hours later, safe and sound. And it is quite lovely to be back in the States. And I was very glad to have a good night's sleep.

My Favorite Canadian-American-Dual Citizen Family

So...I love these people. They are amazing! I've known Valerie since 10th grade, and have considered her one of my dearest friends since high school graduation in 2002. We've kept in touch then. We were even roommates at BYU one summer, and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. And then she moved away. To Canada. And I have had to miss her and wonder what her new life is like. So I went to Canada to visit. And I saw what her new life is like. And it is lovely. She and Charles are such a cute couple and are fabulous parents to young James. It put my over-protective-of-my-friends-and-their-happiness-inclined heart at peace to see their beautiful and happy family.