Thoughts on Abortion & How We Talk About It

As I have spent time on Facebook in recent weeks, and as I have tracked various news stories, I have noticed that the topic of abortion is one that is being debated in both policy and among groups of friends and strangers. I have read others’ perspectives with interest and compassion, taking special interest in those who believe and feel differently than I do. While wanting to join a conversation that I feel is significant, I haven’t felt that responding on social media posts is the right way or place to challenge a position with which I disagree. I have worried that if I were to join the conversation in that way, that things could be misunderstood and that I might inadvertently show disrespect to persons that I respect and care about and that it might ignite or fuel contention or opposition among strangers or friends. 

That said, I do have a position that I hold, and want to share my thoughts and my voice with those who might be asking questions and looking to the rationale of others as they try to identify where they stand. Accordingly, here, on my own personal blog and Facebook wall, I am sharing some of my personal beliefs on the topic of abortion as well as sharing some observations I’ve made regarding why it feels like such a difficult discussion to have with individuals who believe differently. 

My position on Abortion

My position on abortion is based on two beliefs:

• The termination of a pregnancy is the termination of a life. 
• Life is sacred and is something to be protected. 

Because I believe these two things, I am opposed to elective abortion. 

You’ll notice that I used the qualifier of “elective.”  This is to allow options in extenuating circumstances involving medical necessity to preserve the life of the mother, and involving instances of rape, including incest. 

This position is one that often guides me to vote in favor of conservative politicians. It leads me to mourn the real and painful loss of life I see inherent in neonatal deaths such as miscarriages and stillbirths. And it guides responses I give when others ask me my position on the issue of abortion.

It does not guide me to villainize those who believe differently, and it has not motivated me to ever censure a person who believes differently or who has sought out an abortion. I do not know their experience, their journey, or how or why they made the decision they did, and I recognize that even if I did know, it would not be my place to judge or comment on it.

I usually avoid divisive topics. I want to be a peacemaker. At times I find myself at odds with myself as I recognize that there are times and situations in which making peace requires more than avoiding conflict. I’m very good at avoiding conflict, and that tends to be my default mode. In choosing to now share my position on a topic that I know to be hot and divisive, I hope that my voice can help to invite and build peace in how this topic is discussed, and I also hope to advocate for peace and protection toward those who I understand and believe to be vulnerable lives who are unable to advocate for themselves. 

Observations about How We Talk About Abortion

I’ve noticed that it is very difficult for a lot of people to have civil discussions on the topic of abortion with people who do not already agree with them. There are strong feelings that are stirred up. And there are many times that parallel conversations take place without any real understanding. 

I’ve noticed something that individuals with conflicting positions (I don’t want to use the term “sides” as I think it simplifies the complex positions that different individuals take and I feel like the black and white characterizations make it harder to see and understand each other) have in common is that most are powerful advocates. I love, respect and admire those who assume the role of advocate. Those who are opposed to abortion are often so passionate in their position because they are advocating for the unborn. Those who are in favor of abortion are often so passionate in their position because they are advocating for quality of life and opportunities for women. And they advocate even more passionately for victims of rape, including incest, and those whose health is endangered by a pregnancy. They also advocate for loved ones who have had or are considering abortions, in defense of them as good moral people rather than allowing them to be characterized as individuals who may have deprived vulnerable others of life.

It is hard to see eye to eye and speak heart to heart when the stakes feel so high. And because so many are fierce advocates of others that they see as vulnerable victims, passion is brought into the dialogue.  To be casual would feel grossly inadequate.  And reasoned consideration can feel too casual. This can be an obstacle to understanding and civility.

Another major challenge in conversations about abortion is the lack of consensus around the difference between a fetus and a baby. Where my position is that the termination of a pregnancy is a termination of life, and I would choose to use terms such as “baby”, “mother” and “death”, others believe that before birth, the developing body is not considered a human life and choose terms such as “fetus”, “woman” and “aborted fetal tissue.” When there is disagreement on this point, it is hard to find consensus or a foundation for other related conversations. And on top of that, the word choices that others use can invite defensiveness.

I have also observed that many challenges in respectfully discussing abortion surround proposed and passed legislation that dictates specific legal consequences for women and medical professionals who participate in facilitating elective abortions. I recall recently seeing a meme that emphasized that the legal penalty associated with a victim of rape having an abortion could be more severe than the penalty for the perpetrator of that rape. There does seem to be injustice in such a scenario, and it is reasonable for people to advocate against injustice and in defense of those who are victims of trauma who then must face further legal trauma. I personally have not read the recent, relevant laws that have been proposed. But I anticipate that I wouldn’t fully agree with aspects of them, despite my position opposing abortion. If I were voting on them, I would read them and I would want to understand why people who feel strongly both in favor and against each piece of legislation takes the position that they do. Being partisan doesn't often lead to the best solutions. And catchy soundbites don't tend to represent the full story. I think there needs to be more separation between conversations about abortions and conversations about specific legislation on abortion, and more education and understanding, so that if and where there needs to be adjustment to legislation, that there is space for conversations and finding points of agreement.  

There is a lot more that can be said about the topic of abortion and how it is discussed. I have not mentioned many major talking points. Part of this is because I am not writing this with the intent of convincing other people to believe one way of the other. I’m not brave enough yet to make a post in which the primary objective is to advocate against abortion. Rather, I am presenting a little bit about what I believe and why, and showing some reasons that I believe that this is such a difficult conversation to have without it resulting in division and hostility. So, my intent in writing this is more about inviting others to listen and learn respectfully before and while advocating in order to minimize contention and division. And it is to provide what I hope is a respectful, well-reasoned position for those who are interested in considering it.

If people have questions or comments that they wish to share, I’m open to having a conversation. But, I would request that this not become a space for attacking other people or their beliefs or positions. Feel free to add to the conversation, but please don’t treat others who think differently with contempt or disrespect.  

The world has enough division and contentiousness.  It needs more connection and compassion.  Let’s shoot for the latter.