Twenty-seven & Single

 This was originally written as my WSR post for this week, but I also wanted to share it here since it is so journal-esque.

I have heard it said that most men tend to marry down:  a man will generally marry someone who is younger, shorter and less educated than he himself is.  I am 27 (yikes), 5’6” (I feel good about that), and about to start a PhD program (oh snap).

I have also heard the oft-quoted statistic that a woman over 40 is more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to walk down the aisle.  And while I still have a baker’s dozen years before I hit forty, and while I am aware of some of the flaws relative to that statistic, the recognition of a dating pool that becomes more depleted as I advance in years is not lost on me.

I have also heard Brigham Young’s warning that any single male over 27 is a menace to society.  And although I am not a male, I cannot help but feel that being 27+ and single makes me undeniably old within the LDS culture.  

BUT…despite these statistics, I am hopeful.  I am absolutely confident that I am capable of living a life of meaning, purpose and direction guided by the Lord that He will be well-pleased with, and I am hopeful that that life will involve marriage and family.  While I would have chosen to be living my Plan A (marriage and motherhood) at this point in my life, I can see that the Lord is guiding me and supporting me.  And so I am moving forward with faith as I live out my Plan B (pursuing progress through professional advancements and meaningful work and service). 

My BYU experience, while not yielding an eternal companion, has enabled me to better discover several aspects of my life mission.  A BYU devotional that I have read early on in my education here, and several times since, helped me to put my education and my life into perspective.  It taught me that success in school is defined by discovering and preparing for what the Lord has intended for me.  I believe that much of what I have learned and become has helped prepare me for family life.  But I have also discovered other purposes that it seems the Lord has in store.  However, I personally would have put such purposes and mission within the Plan B category if I had been the master planner.  But still, I’m glad that I’m not in that role.  Heavenly Father has already proven Himself to be an infinitely superior architect of my life. 

Still, being LDS and single and knowing that I want marriage and family does complicate life, especially at times of transition.  In about two weeks I take off to start a PhD program in Georgia.  I recall well the struggle of deciding if that was really what I wanted to do after finishing my Masters degree.  It means more education, which makes me more intimidating to guys.  It requires moving to a place where there is a much smaller dating pool of LDS males.  I was afraid that pursuing my Plan B would interfere with my ability to achieve my Plan A.  But, after seeking counsel and praying considerably, I came to the conclusion that the Lord wants me to progress professionally right now.  I also felt that waiting around in a high LDS-populate region would be counterproductive to my progress.  If I stayed in Provo, I would likely not have found meaningful work in my field and would have been stagnant. 

Sometimes I wish that the Lord’s timing were different than it is.  Like Alma, I have well-placed desires beginning with “O that I were…” (Alma 29:1).  Rather than an angel, I would elect to be a wife and mother.  I feel that both aspirations are noble and good.  But, like Alma, I am learning to trust in the Lord and be “content with the things which the Lord hath allotted me” (Alma 29:3), even thought I might have hoped for something different, or at least a different timeline.  I trust Him.  This perspective helps me to not be bitter or scared or sorry for myself.  (Although, I must confess, sometimes when I hear 20 and 21 year-olds fearing that they are destined to be spinsters because they have not yet married, I want to slap them.)  But usually, I am quite content and happy. 

I recently read an analogy regarding trusting the Lord’s timing.  It compared our lives to a symphony—a musical masterpiece.  To try to rush through the Lord’s orchestration of how our life is to play out would be like listening to music on fast forward.  It would lose its beauty, majesty, and essence as a masterpiece.  The timing is part of what makes it the work of art that it is.

For those of you who are similarly figuring out how to progress through the life course who are unexpectedly doing so without a companion or without children or with unanticipated limitations, have hope.  Seek the Lord to guide you and assure you, and to help you see the masterpiece He is orchestrating.