New room and empty walls

I moved rooms yesterday. I went from being alone in the shared room to having my own private room. It's a little different. I've started decorating it with things I had before. Some things were left out. Some new things were added. And there is still a lot of empty spaces (blank walls) that need to be filled, but I don't know what to fill them with, don't have the necessary resources (pictures, posters, wall hangings, etc) to fill those spaces, and don't know if I'm ready to invest (buy) in those resources.

I was thinking of how this relates to my life right now. I'm shifting from a really fun summer with great friends to the start of a new school year with many of those friends gone away. I'm mostly in the same place, but everything is different. A lot is familiar, but I'm starting over. And there are a lot of empty spaces to fill. But I'm not sure if I'm socially and emotionally ready to invest in forming new relationships to fill my social calendar and to meet my needs.

Change is so dang hard for me. I recognize that it is good. It is a predecessor of growth and a catalyst of character-development and learning. But it is hard to let go of the way things are or were, when I love those things so much. People mean everything to me. I love to listen, to serve, to be involved, and to meet needs. I grow to love people easily. So when people leave or relationships change, it feels as though it leaves a hole in my heart. And I don't want to fill it because I want it to belong to the family or friends that had become such integral parts of my life.

I've encountered change many a time. I've said hard goodbyes before. In some ways the experience of change makes future change easier, but in other ways it makes it harder. I typically miss people most right before and right after saying goodbye. Right before because I know how good it is. Right after because it's gone. But I'm still aware that things will be good and even better again. And I know that a change in relationships isn't the end of them.

Anyway, I need to get to bed. But anyway, to all you friends of the road and friends of the heart, friends past and friend present, friends near and friends far, thanks for having a hold on my heart enough that it hurts to have you gone. You are appreciated and loved.