Georgia on my mind

I started this post weeks ago, but never got around to finishing it. But, since I need to be working on my thesis, now seems like a good time get back to this.

So, as has been mentioned previously, I chose to accept an offer to study at UGA's Child & Family Development (MFT emphasis) doctoral program. I am both excited and terrified. It was a difficult choice for me. The other option was Texas Tech. I had an offer to be a part of their MFT program, and I was sorely tempted. That felt like a much safer option. If I had chosen Texas Tech I think that I would have felt much more comfortable. I would have been closer to home and to family. I would be close to my mission. And the rural feel of things felt very comfortable to me. I would have had easy access to Blue Bell ice cream. I also really liked the faculty and had opportunities to pursue the kinds of research I'm interested in. And the program is only two years of coursework (as opposed to three at UGA).

So why did I choose Georgia? Well, they had a great program, with a great faculty, a beautiful campus, a great teaching model, great teaching opportunities, a degree that emphasized family science research, and great funding. But that wasn't really the reason I chose it.

I feel as though a lot of my decision-making process was influenced by a favorite talk. This talk teaches the true nature of education and how it is meant to help one find and fulfill their divine mission. It also mentions not aspiring to comforts. Here is an excerpt:

"I once heard wonderful counsel about selecting a career. When a man was asked why he had chosen to become a minister, he replied, "I looked where the fighting was the heaviest and where the lines were the thinnest, and that's where I chose to go." Part of your opportunity to serve the kingdom of God depends more upon where you live than on the specific career you select. Seeking the comforts of an exclusive neighborhood may exclude you from significant opportunities to make a difference. Don't aspire to comforts, be they economic or religious. Don't stay here too long. The world needs you!"

I feel as though I am still in the process of discovering my life mission, but I feel like the world needs me. And I feel as though it is important for me to be able to receive an education that allows me to be part of the conservative voice that stands in defense of natural family structures. I want to be able to contribute to meaningful research to support the family. I want to be able to teach and supervise and mentor others. Whatever that Lord needs me to do, I want to be prepared to do it. And I feel as though I will be better trained and better able to do that through the experiences I will have at UGA.

Their program has a good reputation. Because it is a CFD degree, it is as though I am getting two PhDs, one in family sciences, and one in MFT. I will have great training and experience in research and in teaching. I will be able to teach things that I care about. I will be better prepared to qualify for and enter a faculty position after I graduate. I will gain valuable mentorship. I feel as though it will expand my sphere of influence and better enable me to do good and fulfill whatever life mission the Lord has in store for me.

In making the decision, I was torn. I felt as though Texas Tech was a better fit for me as a person. But I felt as though University of Georgia was a better fit for my goals. I also felt as though Texas Tech would be the easier choice. But I'm not going to get a PhD to be comfortable. I'm going because maybe the world needs me. Or maybe just a few people need me. Maybe my future family need me to learn things there, or to simply learn things by choosing and doing hard things. In coming to my decision I prayed, I visited the temple, I fasted, I reasoned it out. And ultimately, I made my choice. And I don't regret it.

But it's scary. I'm so scared. I am leaving the "Stone Cold Sober" university to attend the "#1 party school" in the nation. I know a few people in Georgia, but they are all hours away. I need to find housing. I will be going from a singles ward that covers only a few blocks, to a small singles branch, of which most members are young undergraduates. I worry that I will be lonely. And alone. I fear that I might not be able to be successful. And I worry that I will have a hard time being myself. I'm scared that I will graduate in my early 30s and still be single. The future doesn't appear scary to me. But I see myself as being very scared going into the future.

I'm also hopeful. Because I feel divinely led, I know that everything will turn out. I know that I will turn to the Lord more and that doing so will help me grow in ways that I need to grow in order to be the instrument that I want to be. I know that I will be a better and more whole person leaving that program because of the challenges I will face. And I know that it won't just be challenges. There will be good and beautiful things and people too. I will come to love it and I will likely have a hard time leaving someday.

Well, enough about the future. For now. I should probably get back to the present. I still have papers to write, papers to grade, lessons to plan, and work to do. But really, I'll probably just make a snack and go to bed early and take care of some of those things in the morning.