Good Times

Confidence and Competence

2012-01-26T23:42:00.002-07:00

I was recently posed an interesting question by my supervisor. He asked me which I thought came first: confidence or competence. My honest response, specific to that context was that I believed that I needed to feel competent, that I had achieved a level or proficiency relative to therapy skills, in order to truly feel confident in my work. This question have revisited me several times since I first heard it last Thursday. And I am still unsure of which is or should be the antecedent to the other in academic and work contexts.

However, I know that my response is rather different in regards to a spiritual context. When it comes to teaching the gospel, I believe that confidence should not only precede competence, but that it is more important. Allow me to explain. I believe that teaching is about helping students learn. And I believe that students learn as they become agents to act for themselves. Teachers don't act on students by teaching at them, by somehow sprinkling them with facts that they then passively imbibe via osmosis. Rather, I believe that good teacher help invite students to be active learners and provide resources, opportunities and experiences to learn for themselves.

And I know some great techniques for active teaching and student engagement. But that isn't why I have confidence. Because real gospel learning isn't just about being an agent. There is another element. And that element is the Spirit, the true teacher. It is the Spirit that carries truth into the heart of those who are actively seeking to receive it. My confidence isn't place in myself or my capacities alone. I have confidence because I know that if I seek the presence of the Spirit in teaching, and recognize that the Spirit is the real teacher, then I know that learning can take place. Competence helps me know how not to get it the way, and it also helps me to be a better instrument. If I were to have to choose between knowledge, competence and teacher training or confidence in the Lord and the power of the Spirit, I would choose the latter.

I love being able to be a part of other people's learning process. I love seeing them learn and understand. And I love being an instrument of the Spirit. When I acknowledge my comparative nothingness in the process, that is when truly great things are able to happen. I hope that I never become so strong and competent that I lean upon my own strength alone. I hope that I don't become so competent that I have confidence in myself and my skills rather than in the Lord.

28 O that cunning ^aplan of the evil one! O the ^bvainness, and the frailties, and the ^cfoolishness of men! When they are ^dlearned they think they are ^ewise, and they ^fhearken not unto the ^gcounsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their ^hwisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.
29 But to be ^alearned is good if they ^bhearken unto the ^ccounselsof God.

I hope that I can continually sharpen my skills and learn new ones so that I can be a sharp tool and in tune instrument. And I hope that I can always remember to hearken to the counsels of God, so that my competencies don't end up wasted.

Break Time

2012-01-18T14:27:00.002-07:00

After a few hours of working on research assistantship responsibilities, I decided to take a short break. And I spent it in a somewhat nerdy way. I went into the breakroom (not the nerdy part) and started looking at all the spines of dissertations of past PhD CFD students here at UGA. I'd gone through this exercise before. I knew that one of my former undergraduate professors from BYU had earned her doctorate from UGA, and I had hoped to find evidence of her time here. And today I found it. The spine of the book didn't reveal her name and year, but I did venture to dig a little deeped, and this time I pulled out an unmarked, unbound manuscript on the shelf, and I was delighted to have found that it had her name on it. So I spent the next 15 minutes or so leafing through its pages and occasionally reading or skimming its contents.

It is neat to think that one of the educators who represents, to me, a major pivot point in my pursuing academia (she taught me to love research) had some similar steps in our journeys. In some ways it is intimidating to think that my aspirations put me in the same league as someone I think so highly of. But it also gives me hope, and helps me remind me of why I am here and what I am capable of.

This post took an unanticipated sentimental detour. When I started I meant to highlight the nerdiness of my taking a break from research and choosing to read a dissertation. Oh well. I guess I just realized that I am grateful to be where I am, and I'm grateful to feel that I have been led and inspired to come here, both by incredible educators, as well as by the Spirit.

Panda Night

2011-12-27T09:03:00.002-07:00

Nor, Kris, Al & Rach rockin' the black & white

Kung Fu/Harry Potter dueling poses

Rachel came up with the ingenious idea of having a Panda Night. After several reschedulings to accommodate everyone's schedule, we had Panda Night on Monday night for Family Home Evening. The start time was set for 6:00pm. Prior to that Dad and I went and picked up dinner at Panda Express, and everyone changed into black and white. Kris busted out her chopsticks that she got in China, and we served our food and headed into the family room where we commenced our Kung Fu Panda marathon. We watched Kung Fu Panda and Kung Fu Panda 2 in succession. Of course, that was after taking pictures in front of the Barbie tree. Good times.

Web of Knowledge

2011-12-12T16:45:00.002-07:00

FYI, I have awesome roommates. They are truly amazing, good and impressive people. There are two of them. Their names are Charlotte and Jenny. I am fans of both of them. In our apartment we are all graduate students, all BYU grads, and we all have stake callings.

Charlotte's Web...
of Knowledge

Charlotte graduates with her masters degree this month, and Jenny graduates with hers after next semester. They are both quite intelligent and are both excellent teachers. Anywho, about a month ago, the night before Charlotte had her comps (and important test she needed to pass to graduate), Jenny and I decided to surprise her with a poster and some cheesy gifts from the dollar store. Well, we bought posterboard from WalMart and wrote "Good Luck, Big C!" on it, and put out some $1 goodness on the table. And, in addition to that, we also created "Charlotte's Web of Knowledge", which is depicted in the included images. Lest the name of the creation is not sufficiently telling, what we did was make the likeness of a spider web using tape in the door frame of our kitchen and then we attached notes. The middle one reads "Charlotte's Web of Knowledge", and my personal favorite is the one that says "You put the stud in study" and has a $1 toy horse dangling down next to it on the web. Good stuff. Anyway, I just figured I was due to post a blog post. So this is what you get.

Also, have I mentioned that I own a spider puppet?

Me, tarantula puppet, Jenny

Exercise Mix

2011-11-22T19:12:00.001-07:00

I decided to put together a playlist of songs to listen to while exercising. And while I plan to put theme on a shuffle that has sufficient space for hundreds of songs, for some reason I want to limit my playlist to 25 songs. So, I wanted to some feedback on songs to use. I went through some of the songs on my itunes and picked out the ones that seemed like they would have good beats and/or had pun-ny titles that could be related to exercising/running/being active. Let's be honest, it's mostly about the punny titles. What can I say? I'm nerdy/cheesy like that. Here are some of my options and my rationale for their potential inclusion:

Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows -- Because I like this song and it gives me energy/makes me smile
Bad Day by Daniel Powter -- Because it makes me feel better when things are hard
Bless Yore Beautiful Hide from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers -- I'm not entirely sure why...
Bye, Bye, Bye by N;Sync -- Because I associate it with waving before taking off
Country Roads by John Denver -- Because people run on roads, and I love this song
Call Me Al by Paul Simon -- Because when I try to motivate myself, I call myself either 'Al' or 'Ellsworth'
Defying Gravity from Wicked -- Because I feel as though running is defying gravity
Here it Goes Again by OK Go -- Because in the music video they are on treadmills
I'll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan -- Because it's totally a work-out song
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor -- Because it's awesome; and I will survive
Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice -- Because I might get shin splits and have to ice my legs
Im'ma Shine from Step Up -- Because it's from Step Up, which I associate with exercise-like dancing
Jumpin', Jumpin by Destiny's Child -- Because jumping and running are similar, sort of
La Camisa Negra by Juanes -- Because I sometimes wear a black shirt when I run
Life is a Highway by Rascal Flatts -- Because some people run on highways...or roads
Now of Never from High School Musical -- Because in the movie they run
On My Way by Rusted Rood -- Because I am on my way to being able to run a 5K
One, Two Step by Ciara -- Because running requires taking steps
Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae -- Because it reminds me of friends
Run and Tell That from Hairspray -- Because the word 'run' is in the title
Run It by Chris Brown -- Because the word 'run' is in the title
Streak by Ray Stevens -- Because it's a song about a runner...sort of
Therapy by All Time Low -- Because I'm running because my supervisor told me to
Till the Dawn from Step Up -- Because it's from Step Up, which I associate with exercise-like dancing
Walk It Out by Unk -- Because I end my runs by walking to cool down
Walk Like a Man by Four Seasons -- Walking is sort of like running; plus I start off walking for a warm-up
We're All in This Together from High School Musical -- Just because
Where's the Party Tonight from KANK -- Because it has the lyrics "somewhere down the road"
You Can't Stop the Beat from Hairspray -- Because it talks about something that is unstoppable
I 2 I from A Goofy Movie -- Because it's fun and makes me think of dancing

Any thoughts? Suggestions? Vetoes? Clever playlist title?

Running

2011-11-15T13:50:00.001-07:00

Last month, one of my supervisors told me that he is requiring me to train for and run a 5K early next year. (Also, I am required to cry while running it, otherwise I will be required to run a 10K, half-marathon, etc until I do.) Accordingly, I now have a goal to train for and run a 5K. The plan is to choose a 5K in either late January or sometime in February.

So, I've never been much of a runner. As a child I liked running around the playground. But I had asthma which was bit limiting. And as a teen I liked sports, but I wasn't particularly talented. After missing the cut in basketball and volleyball in Junior High, I gave up organized physical activity. But I love hiking. And will occasionally join in on sports activities. And I'll tell you what, some of the best work-outs of my life involve the Just Dance 2 video game. But for the most part, I'm pretty sedentary. I walk a lot to get around, but that is pretty much it.

So this is a big change for me. And my process of committing to the goal and engaging in it has been slow. The first week I told people about my goal. The second and third week I ran back and forth from wall to wall in my living room during commercial breaks to a t.v. show I watch on Monday nights. And week four I bought work out clothes from the thrift store. Like I said, I've been easing into this very slowly.

Well, today was day one of actually exercising. I got up before 7:00am and headed out to meet my running buddy at the Botanical Garden. Except she must have forgotten. And it turns out the Botanical Garden doesn't open until 8:00. So I drove home. BUT, I didn't give up. I spent the next 25-30 minutes alternating walking and jogging. And as unexciting as that may seem, I'm pretty proud of myself. Here's hoping that I make it happen at least two other times this week. I need to coordinate schedules with my running buddy still. But I'm excited.

2011-10-23T18:58:00.002-06:00

While I was in India in the fall of 2007 one of my colleagues became sick and spent some time in a hospital in Coimbatore. I remember seeing this sign and thinking that it was rather odd and amusing, enough so to prompt me to take this picture of it. Later, I learned the reason for the hospital's policy of not telling prospective parents whether they are having a boy or a girl, and why doing so is punishable by law. And the sign ceased to be amusing. Historically, and even presently in many parts of India, there is a clear preference for sons over daughters. Enough so that some parents would abort the baby if they knew that it was going to be female.

A recent article in the news highlighted certain evidences of this problem. It cited male to female ratios for children under the age of 6. The nation's sex ration was reported to have fallen to 914 girls to every 1000 boys this year. The article spotlighted a recent renaming ceremony held for the 285 girls in the district whose parents selected a name meaning "unwanted" in Hindi. Rather than continue to have their name stand as a daily reminded that they were not wanted by their parents, and perhaps by society, they are able to shed that name and choose another to be known by.

The therapist in me loves the idea of having a formal renaming ceremony. The human side of me hurts to think of parents who don't want their children and who blatantly communicate to those young girls that they are not wanted, not valued or not good enough. I recognize some of the social factors that play into a preference for a son over a daughter in India. A son receives a dowry when he weds, and a son will take care of the parents when they are old. A daughter requires an expensive dowry which is a burden on the family. Still, however socially reasonable such a preference might be, it fails to account for the worth of a soul. There are problems that exist both abroad and much closer to home in regards for valuing and caring for children and for women. I'm grateful for people who are good parents and dedicated social activists who work to promote care for every child.

In my Institute class, we recently reviewed King Benjamin's great sermon and how his people were given a name--they were to be known by the name of Christ. If the world could see each child, and each person, as a child of God and value them for that infinite worth and divine potential, what a wonderful world this would be. The worth of a soul is worth so much more than the worth of a dowry. And, bringing it closer to home, it can't be determined based on the brand of clothes people wear, the way they speak, the home they live in, or the degree of education they have attained. Judging people based on their potential for social capital is a pretty dangerous standard of measurement. Seeing people as they really are, or seeing them in the context of their spiritual potential is an amazing thing. I hope that I can have eyes to see and act accordingly.

A little lonely

2011-10-16T21:19:00.000-06:00

Now, it may just be that I have lived a wonderfully sheltered life, but one of the most painful experiences I am acquainted with is the experience of feeling alone when surrounded by other people. I have experienced this many times throughout my life, and its not fun.

I felt that a little bit earlier today. I went to church and arrived early to have time to reflect. Most of the seats were open since I was early, and so I chose a spot on the left side of the room, about four rows back and two seats from the aisle. I assumed that as people came in, that all the seats on my row would be filled. But they weren't. The seats further down the row were filled, but two remained. One on either side of me. Fortunately, about a minute before the meeting started, the girl two seats down saw a friend and invited him to occupy the seat between us. I was glad of that, because I feared that there would end up being only two empty seats in the room, both next to me.

Despite being in a room full of people, I remember feeling very much alone.

Luckily, things improved. After the meeting I was able to meet the guy who sat between me and his friend and talk to him for a few minutes. In the next meeting I went and sat next to someone and started a conversation before class started, and another girl joined us, sitting on my other side and I talked with her as well. Then during the third hour a good friend of one of my roommates came up and told me that he was going to sit with me.

So luckily, I'm not as alone as I felt that I was. But I still remember the feeling. It was a good and somewhat painful reminder of how empty feeling it is to feel forgotten, overlooked and unwanted. I wonder if there were other people in that room feeling that way at the same time, or if they feel it on other days. It makes me want to be better about seeing others who might be feeling the way that I felt and being a friend to them.

60 years

2011-10-12T19:19:00.000-06:00

Today is my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary. They are my heroes. As a young child I would race home from the school bus and speed through my daily chores so that I could go next door to Grandma and Grandpa's house. I remember watching Suns games at their house (and eating popcorn, cookies and milkshakes), watching John Wayne movies with Grandpa, Grandma saving stamps for me and putting them in a special container in the desk, making chocolate frosting to put on graham crackers. I remember a lot of delicious foods.

I remember the yearly nativity pageant and working on costumes with Grandma. I remember when I would check my email at their house. I remember monthly family home evening lessons. I remember kisses from Grandma. I remember my grandpa telling me, "You are loved". I remember that Emily and I selected them as our guests when the Young Womens hosted a Hero Appreciation Night. I learned to whistle standing outside their kitchen window. Mom had felt like us kids took advantage of them and spent too much time at their house, so she instigated the rule that we couldn't go inside unless they invited us in. And I was so confident that they loved me and loved having me around, that I figured that if I could get their attention, that they would invite me in. So I learned to whistle to get their attention.

I still have letters and cards they sent from their missions. I often pull out their life stories and read about their childhoods, their courtship, their family life and their service and testimonies. I love reading the letter my grandpa sent to my grandma. I remember him telling me how much he loves my grandma. I can see how much they care for each other.

I'm grateful for the good grandparents that I have. And I am grateful for their examples of faith, obedience, work, love, service, and devotion to family. I am grateful for the name that they left me and what it means to me because of who they are. I am grateful for their example of a marriage that lasts. 60 years down, all eternity to go. I hope that I canbe like them when I grow up.

Picture

2011-10-04T19:31:00.002-06:00

This is one of three pictures I took while in Texas. I also have one of Lexie and I at the bus stop and another of a bird near some giant fish. I feel as though my evolution of picture-taking over the years is somehow significant. As a young child I went through a phase of taking pictures of pretty things. I had a lot of pictures of scenery and nature. Those were a waste of film. When I was in high school I took tons of pictures of friends, and especially with friends. I think I was trying to accumulate evidence that I really did have friends, something that was hard for me to believe at the time. That stage extended into college. Then I moved into a phase of wanting to preserve memories, and I wanted to take pictures that had a distinct flavor or character. I also went through a phase somewhere in which I wanted to take professional-type photos and tried to do artsy shots. Those ended up being a waste of memory card space. My most recent phase has been the paparazzi-to-my-nieces-and-nephew stage. I actively resisted the urge to act on this one while in Texas. I didn't want Jeff to judge me. It was mighty tempting though.

My current phase seems eclectic, and I haven't been able to pick up a solid theme yet. This picture plays a similar role to a vacation postcard by saying, "Hey look, I'm in Texas and this is Texan-looking". It is also influenced by my "I did my hair this day and look alright and want people to know that I can look respectable" mentality. I still am trying to figure out why I took the picture of the bird and fish.

Reading the News

2011-10-02T17:44:00.003-06:00

I read an article on CNN about how Mexico City is considering a marriage license that expires after 2 years in hopes that unhappily married couples will simply allow them to expire in lieu of a complicated divorce process. Those in favor of these expiration date marriages consider it a feasible option for alleviating paperwork and legal stresses. It would also presumably decrease the divorce rates, since couples would likely wait it out and let it dissolve naturally.

There are many that oppose this proposition. I am one of them. The proposal and serious consideration of such legislation is mind-blowing to me. It reflects a view of marriage that is very different from my own. I see marriage to have moral implications. I consider it to be about commitments and covenants. This proposition seems, to me, to turn avoiding divorce into a numbers game, and marriage into something casual, disposable, and divorced from morality. What would the implications be for children born into such legal arrangements? And what would it feel like to someone to be proposed to with an understanding that rather than a covenant for "time and all eternity" or a vow "until death do us part", the partner is proposing a union that extends to some adaptation of "until two years from the present date unless we choose to renew".

I worry that ideas like this are being taken seriously. It emphasizes the increasing deviations in today's world from the doctrine of marriage. I believe that marriage is more than a social or legal arrangement of convenience, or a cooperative alliance with evolutionary advantage. I believe that marriage is a divine institution, the basic unit of society, the best setting for rearing children, a place for preserving and teaching morals, and that it is part of Heavenly Father's plan of happiness, and that it does lead to happiness, both in this life and in the world to come.

And just for the record, after having attended a recent conference, and as a student in a philosophy of science class, I feel like making such a statement might make me appear to be right-winged, irrational, and ignorant and in the eyes of some of my colleagues. Which also says something about the direction that views of the family are going. But I have hope. And I have a voice. And I want to use both to support marriage and the family.

2011-09-28T14:06:00.000-06:00

Last week I spent a few days in Fort Worth, Texas. I have two regrets. Regret one: I didn't find and buy an affordable yet awesome cowboy hat. (The one pictured above was sufficiently awesome, but not sufficiently affordable. Ergo, I do not own it.) Regret two: I didn't have any Blue Bell ice cream. But, on the bright side, I did have brisket, I did have Jamba Juice, I did spend time with friends, I did ride a mechanical bull, I'm more excited about research, and I learned a few new things at the conference. Overall, I consider that a win.

WSR

2011-09-19T12:24:00.004-06:00

I've resumed my posting with the BYU Women's Services & Resources blog on Mondays. Feel free to check it out here. This week's topic: Defenses.

Fort Worth, here I come!

2011-09-18T15:39:00.001-06:00

I'm heading to Texas THIS WEEK!!! I'm kinda excited. Maybe even to the point of having gone to a thrift store yesterday and bought a cowgirl-esque shirt. I might be wearing it right now...with my roommate's cowboy hat...with a stuffed cow doll (named Wesley) located directly to my right...while looking up websites about things to do in Fort Worth (did you know that they have a national cowgirl museum and hall of fame?). I might also be contemplating pulling out the old mission journals and taking a jaunt down memory lane. I'm also slightly regretting not having bought that Louis L'Amour book at the flea market and wishing that I owned a John Wayne movie. I'm also wishing that I owned cowboy boots and I may be trying to find a way to justify buying some longhorns for the mantle. Don't worry--that one's not going to happen...this time.

I'm super excited to head back to Texas. I anticipate awesomeness. Oh, and the attending the AAMFT annual conference should be nice too.

Easily Excited

2011-09-09T12:46:00.002-06:00

Today I learned how to embed a YouTube video into a PowerPoint presentation slide. And I cannot tell you how excited I am. I wish that I had figured this out when I was teaching, because it would have looked so much more professional than just having a link that opened the YouTube page. And lest you do not believe that level of my excitement and adjacent nerdiness, I just emailed myself the instructions and my first attempt with the following as my subject line: Ppt + YouTube= :). And I detest emoticons. Now, if you want to learn this great skill too, here are the instructions: http://ctl.byu.edu/tech-tips/showing-youtube-video-powerpoint-presentation. Don't have too much fun.

Living in the south

2011-09-06T13:39:00.002-06:00

Now, I'm not certain if this is legitimately a southern thing or not. But it certainly felt like a cultural experience to me. I was a in car with three other branch members. We were headed home after attending a barbeque. As we drove along, the driver noticed a herd of cows on the left side of the road. She rolled down her window and yelled as loud as she could "hey cows!" The girl in the front passenger seat indicated that that was a silly game, and then began to instruct us on an allegedly more appropriate one.

The rules of the game are: Split into two team. Those on the right side of the car are one team. Those on the left side of the car are another. The right side counts cows that the car passes that are found to the right of the road, while the left side team does the same with cows spotted to the left of the road. The goal is to end up with the most cows counted. But, here's the catch. It you see a cemetery or a church with a cross on it, it means that all of your accumulated cows have died. Rest in peace, imagined-butchered bovine. And you have to start over in your cow counting. I'm not sure that it was actually a superior game than the first. Although I personally would rather count cows than holler at them for no reason. Although it was quite unfortunate that, at the end of a detour on our way back, the vehicle passed the cemetery near the entrance to my apartment complex on the right side of car. I blame the driver.

New calling

2011-09-04T13:23:00.001-06:00

Well, today was my fourth Sunday attending the branch here in Athens, and I now have a calling. I will be serving as the stake Young Women secretary. And I'm a little bit scared, but mostly excited. I loved being part of the Young Women organization growing up, and I love working with youth. So the idea of being involved serving the 12-18 year-old young women is pretty exciting. Also, I'm super excited that I will get to attend girls camp come next summer. Some of my favorite memories of adolescence come from girls camp and from the Young Women organization. Some of my closest friends are former YW leaders. I have a feeling that this will stretch me, but I like that. I'm excited to serve.

2011-09-03T12:15:00.001-06:00

I now have a new favorite talk. It is one that I surely heard before when it was given nearly seven years ago at a CES fireside, but I was recently reintroduced to it, and it has become a bit of a theme in guiding my attitudes and goals relative to my personal development. It is titled A Sense of the Sacred. If you are looking for a good read and paradigm shift, I highly recommend it.

Simple Joys

2011-08-26T09:19:00.000-06:00

I'm becoming more aware of certain little things that make me happy. Some are things that are new, and some are things that previously took for granted.

1. Hearing someone call my name on campus. I ran into someone from the branch on campus on Wednesday. He saw me first and said "Hi Allison". I'm not used to people in Georgia knowing my name, so I rarely hear it outside of my apartment or classrooms. It was nice to feel less like a foreigner in a strange land.

2. Public transportation. I love riding the bus. It reminds me of India a little bit. It is a fun place to observe behavior and overhear interesting conversations. I've also noticed that I like sitting in the front so that I can exit from the front doors and thank the bus driver for the ride.

3. Magnolia trees. When I think of magnolia blossoms I think of my Grandma Hadley. And there are magnolia trees all over campus. So I see them regularly, think of my grandma often, and smile that much more.

4. Institute. It has been a blessing to have Institute and the Institute building. It is a great home base. I park there. I take a few classes. I attend activities. I sometimes practice the piano. It is somewhere to be and something to do with good people.

5. Discussion-based classes. I am more of an active learner, so I love that many of my classes are largely discussions based on the readings rather than a uni-directional teacher-teaching-at-us approach.

6. Good roommates. I am so glad to have the roommates that I do. It makes the transition a lot easier. They are friendly and fun and good. I've been blessed with a lot of good roommates this year, and it's made a huge difference in my life.

So, moral of the story: There is plenty to be grateful for in my life.

My vehicle

2011-08-23T22:25:00.000-06:00

So, I have a car. It is a 2008 Chevy Cobalt. My grandpa helped me find it, my parents helped me buy it (I'm paying them back), and my dad helped me drive it to Georgia. It's a good car and I'm grateful to have it.

I have several friends in the west who have named their vehicles. And I've played with the idea of naming my vehicle. I remember grappling with the idea with my old car, but I never found a name that really seemed to fit. I didn't even know what gender my car was, so that really threw a wrench into the naming process. And it just never happened. So now I have a vehicle again and again I have the opportunity to choose a name. And I just don't know. I don't feel like I should be entitled to just give it a name. To have the power to name my vehicle seems to define my relationship with my vehicle at a level that just doesn't seem to fit my perceived relationship with my car. So instead of naming it, I decided to try out a nickname. Because somehow, in my mind, that is different. So sometimes I call it Utah. Inspired by the license plate. And I call it that mostly when I approach it from behind. And only from outside the vehicle.

So now you know. I have a car. It doesn't have a name. But sometimes I approach it from behind and say "Hey, Utah". I might also tap the top of the trunk on the left side twice. It's possible. And here is a picture of me with my car.

(Photo credit: I stole the picture off of my friend Liz's blog.)

Oh internet...

2011-08-19T07:58:00.000-06:00

So, I have a confession. I waste a lot of time on the internet. Between compulsively checking my email, excessive blogstalking, facebook, playing tetris on facebook, reading the news, watching shows on hulu and watching video clips on YouTube, far too much of my leisure time (and admittedly, even some of my work time) is spent in front of a glowing screen without a purpose. And I don't like that. Especially since so much of my work time is also spent in front of a glowing screen as write papers, look up and read academic articles, and work on other legitimate pursuits. So, since one of my classes requires making a desired change in my life and maintaining a blog dedicated to my efforts and experiences in my attempted change process, I decided to set the goal to change the landscape of my recreational internet usage. Here is hoping that I can spend less time online and more time connected to others, to myself, and to the world immediately around me. If you want to check out my process and progress, well you can do so here, but you should probably get off the internet and do something active and fun.

Epiphany of the day

2011-08-18T11:58:00.000-06:00

As I was riding the bus from the Institute building to school, I thought of an possible equation that I want to investigate. Here is the idea: Me+uncertainty-sufficient confidence=Awkwardness. Assuming that this accurately reflects a measurement of awkwardness in my life, (which, in all reality I would ultimately have to conclude is not sufficiently generalizable to all situations), I would have to say that at the times when I have attempted to decrease awkwardness that I have focused on decreasing uncertainty. Since eliminating uncertainty is impossible, I think my time would be better spent increasing my confidence. Thoughts?

First day of school

2011-08-15T12:34:00.001-06:00

Well, I suppose it is now official. I am a PhD student and a UGA Bulldog! I had my first class this morning. Afterwards I went in to the office and got everything set up to start my assistantship, ordered some textbooks online and then went and got my UGA ID card.

And so far the transition is smooth. Class was interesting and engaging. The people are nice. The campus is beautiful. This afternoon I am working on my thesis revisions and in the evening I will attend FHE at the Institute building. And then tomorrow I have a Professional Seminar class, practicum and statistics (assuming I can get into the class). I'm also hoping to meet with my adviser tomorrow and figure out my responsibilities for my assistantship. Fun, fun. I wish I had something clever and witty to write, but alas...I got nothing. But, all is well and life is good.

Seriously?

2011-08-09T20:49:00.001-06:00

Someone mistakenly assumed that my dad and I were a married couple. I'm trying to make sense of this, and I am trying to figure out which is more likely:

1. I look a decade or two or three older than I think I do
2. My dad looks like someone who could be a cradle-robber
3. I look like someone who marries people twice their age
4. The elderly gentleman who made the mistake has vision problems
5. It's a southern thing

The way I see it, there are no good options here.

Greetings from Georgia!

2011-08-08T10:12:00.000-06:00

Today is the four year anniversary of my starting this blog. Crazy. I can't believe that India was that long ago. Anyway, enough about the past...a new chapter of my life is starting. Here is an excerpt from my journaling last night. Enjoy.

07 August 2011

Hi. I live in Georgia. I have been here for a few hours now, so I guess it’s for real. But it still doesn’t feel as though it has “hit” me. But I know that I hear the rumbling of thunder and the chirping and buzzing of bugs. I have felt the palpable moisture in the air. I have seen the thick, green forests. And my car has over 2000 more miles on it today than it did on Thursday night. So something must be happening, whether or not I grasp the reality of it.

If I had internet access right now I would likely update my facebook status to read either “Greetings from Georgia!” or “You’ve Got a Friend in Georgia”. That way, people would know I’m here. Also, I’d hope that several people would “like” it and comment and make me feel validated and help me know that I’m not alone and that we’re not too far separated, despite the many miles of physical distance.

I’m really grateful for my dad. He is a good man. It would be easy to be entitled and take him for granted and think that he is just doing the right dad thing to do. But I am very aware that his driving out with me across the country, helping with driving, with setting up, and with paying for food and hotels along the way is a mark of how great he is.

My dad epitomizes service. About a month or two ago I had dinner with a cousin and her husband, and my cousin’s husband was telling me about how his father-in-law, my uncle, was trying to show off something to my dad, and so they went over to the house to find him, but he was out visiting the widows. That would be my dad. A few nights ago I visited a different aunt and uncle’s home and my aunt mentioned how my parents had driven one of their vehicles clear out to Kansas when their family moved. She said she’d never forget it. I am grateful for my dad, for his service for me, for his service to others, and for his great example. I’ve enjoyed spending these several days with him, even though I must confess that I was far more comfortable keeping quiet and didn’t often venture out of the comfort zone. I probably missed out on some great opportunities to learn from such a good man. Still, I appreciate a presence where I feel comfortable enough to feel okay with being silent.

Taking off

2011-08-04T15:40:00.000-06:00

Well, I am about a half hour away from beginning my trek away from my home, sweet home in the West. Also, I bought two puppets on sale yesterday. And they are rad.

In pursuit of a PhD & general awesomeness

2011-08-03T00:56:00.000-06:00

So...I'm still amazed that I will soon be a PhD student. I thought that PhDs were for extremely intelligent and research-oriented people. And the idea of being colleagues with my professors within five years seems inconceivable. I don't feel that I am much different than I was as an undergraduate when I almost didn't dare apply to a Masters program for fear that I would never get in. A part of me questions my ability to belong as a PhD student. But I feel at peace that what I'm doing is congruent with my life mission, and I believe that the Lord will help me. To quote Elder Bednar, "I will go where the Lord...want[s] me to go, I will do what they want me to do, I will teach what they want me to teach, and I will strive to become what I should and must become. In the strength of the Lord and through His grace, I know that...I can be blessed to accomplish all things." So I will soon be off in pursuit of an awesomeness that seems beyond me. And in the strength of the Lord, I will be successful. Somehow.

El Fin Se Acerca-->At the Beginning

2011-08-03T00:37:00.000-06:00

During my last day in Provo, every time I was near the kitchen sink the song "El Fin Se Acerca" (in Spanish) would pop into my head reminding me that the time was far spent/the end was near. But now that I'm in Arizona I am starting to look ahead instead of just looking back. So, you might say that Georgia is on my mind.

The plan is to leave Mesa on Thursday (aka tomorrow) and spend the night at the cabin (aka my favorite place in the world), and then leave early Friday morning. Then drive as far as Amarillo, TX and stop for the night, then another full day of driving before stopping for the night in Little Rock, and the church plus driving all day on Sunday until I finally arrive at my new home in Athens.

Also, I'm working on putting together a Georgia soundtrack. Good news, there are a lot of good songs out there about Georgia.

Favorite Paragraph

2011-07-29T14:26:00.001-06:00

Following is my favorite paragraph from my thesis. It comes from my acknowledgements page.

To the coding lab: PR, WM, ED, EW, PM. Thank you for the QT, GE, and HU. Thank you for helping me to become more proficient at AR, DO, CO, LR, EF, and for providing an escape from my AX and allowing my occasional EX and DS without judging…well, sort of.

Translation: To the coding lab: Prosocial ('thank you'), Warmth/Support (I love you), Endearment (you're great), Escalate Warmth (you have blessed my life), Positive Mood (It's been fun). Thank you for the Quality Time (mutually enjoyed time together), Group Enjoyment (fun times together), and Humor/Laugh (the times we have laughed together). Thank you for helping me to become more proficient at Assertiveness, Dominance, Communication, Listener Responsiveness and Effective Process (facilitating movement through a task), and for providing an escape from my Anxiety (my thesis) and allowing my occasional Externalized Negative (complaining) and Disruptive Process (being a distraction to getting things accomplished) without judging...well, sort of (since coding could be considered making judgments.)

And yes, I am a nerd.

Good day

2011-07-28T16:14:00.000-06:00

Today has been a good day. Quite stellar in fact. I got up at a goodly hour and actually got ready for the day, inclusive of wearing my new-to-me cardigan that I bought at Savers last week. Then I defended my thesis and passed with revisions. I had my fake bling in my pocket for strength. Then I had lunch with Nor & Katherine (both of whom I love). And I ran into one of my favorite (granted I have several favorites) mission companions at the Creamery. I consider that one a full-blown tender mercy, especially considering how Lora doesn't even live in Utah. Then bowling, then watching High School Musical. Other goodness awaits in playing with friends. I'm feeling pretty high-level PM right now, which, according to my thesis, means I'm more likely to have kids who are more optimistic based on self-report, and more optimistic observed when mediated by father involvement.

Bad day

2011-07-27T07:58:00.000-06:00

I recently had a bad day. I don't have them often, but I am not impervious to them. It was weird. It wasn't that the day itself was bad. And it wasn't that unpleasant events occurred. Quite to the contrary, I spent that day in the company of a close friend engaged in activities that would typically be enjoyable. And yet, I was not myself, I was distant, and felt horribly about myself. Which is not characteristic. In fact, I had a bit of a self-imposed time-out in the middle of the day to journal and try to figure things out.

And during that time, among other things, I decided to take a a depression inventory just to see how I would score. I scored around a 11, which falls within the minimal range. But the interesting part was that I went over the questions again and answered them as I presumed that I would have if I had taken the inventory the day before. And I would have scored a 2. It amazed me to think that something that day caused me to receive a score in nine additional scales. It was weird. In my meta-thinking, both in the moment, and later in retrospection, I found myself doubting my social skills, my ability to be successful with my thesis, my intelligence, my work ethic, my ability to be successful in my PhD program, my image of myself as a good friend, and even my worth as a person.

Fortunately my bad day was short-lived. But it was somewhat disconcerting to see so many insecurities all flair up all at once. I'm back to being happy and hopeful and grateful. But I wanted to acknowledge my bad day. And for what it's worth, it taught me a few things for which I am thankful. But still, I hope that I don't have another such day any time too soon.

Also, I love this music video.

Roommates

2011-07-27T07:37:00.000-06:00

I moved houses at the end of Winter semester. The house is quite lovely. And I got new roommates. And they are rad. Four of them are pictured below (taken before the Harry Potter double-feature on opening night). Also, I am of the opinion that dressing up is more fun when it involves a wig. Also, did I mention that my roommates are awesome beyond all measure? True story.

Twenty-seven & Single

2011-07-18T14:49:00.002-06:00

This was originally written as my WSR post for this week, but I also wanted to share it here since it is so journal-esque.

I have heard it said that most men tend to marry down: a man will generally marry someone who is younger, shorter and less educated than he himself is. I am 27 (yikes), 5’6” (I feel good about that), and about to start a PhD program (oh snap).

I have also heard the oft-quoted statistic that a woman over 40 is more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to walk down the aisle. And while I still have a baker’s dozen years before I hit forty, and while I am aware of some of the flaws relative to that statistic, the recognition of a dating pool that becomes more depleted as I advance in years is not lost on me.

I have also heard Brigham Young’s warning that any single male over 27 is a menace to society. And although I am not a male, I cannot help but feel that being 27+ and single makes me undeniably old within the LDS culture.

BUT…despite these statistics, I am hopeful. I am absolutely confident that I am capable of living a life of meaning, purpose and direction guided by the Lord that He will be well-pleased with, and I am hopeful that that life will involve marriage and family. While I would have chosen to be living my Plan A (marriage and motherhood) at this point in my life, I can see that the Lord is guiding me and supporting me. And so I am moving forward with faith as I live out my Plan B (pursuing progress through professional advancements and meaningful work and service).

My BYU experience, while not yielding an eternal companion, has enabled me to better discover several aspects of my life mission. A BYU devotional that I have read early on in my education here, and several times since, helped me to put my education and my life into perspective. It taught me that success in school is defined by discovering and preparing for what the Lord has intended for me. I believe that much of what I have learned and become has helped prepare me for family life. But I have also discovered other purposes that it seems the Lord has in store. However, I personally would have put such purposes and mission within the Plan B category if I had been the master planner. But still, I’m glad that I’m not in that role. Heavenly Father has already proven Himself to be an infinitely superior architect of my life.

Still, being LDS and single and knowing that I want marriage and family does complicate life, especially at times of transition. In about two weeks I take off to start a PhD program in Georgia. I recall well the struggle of deciding if that was really what I wanted to do after finishing my Masters degree. It means more education, which makes me more intimidating to guys. It requires moving to a place where there is a much smaller dating pool of LDS males. I was afraid that pursuing my Plan B would interfere with my ability to achieve my Plan A. But, after seeking counsel and praying considerably, I came to the conclusion that the Lord wants me to progress professionally right now. I also felt that waiting around in a high LDS-populate region would be counterproductive to my progress. If I stayed in Provo, I would likely not have found meaningful work in my field and would have been stagnant.

Sometimes I wish that the Lord’s timing were different than it is. Like Alma, I have well-placed desires beginning with “O that I were…” (Alma 29:1). Rather than an angel, I would elect to be a wife and mother. I feel that both aspirations are noble and good. But, like Alma, I am learning to trust in the Lord and be “content with the things which the Lord hath allotted me” (Alma 29:3), even thought I might have hoped for something different, or at least a different timeline. I trust Him. This perspective helps me to not be bitter or scared or sorry for myself. (Although, I must confess, sometimes when I hear 20 and 21 year-olds fearing that they are destined to be spinsters because they have not yet married, I want to slap them.) But usually, I am quite content and happy.

I recently read an analogy regarding trusting the Lord’s timing. It compared our lives to a symphony—a musical masterpiece. To try to rush through the Lord’s orchestration of how our life is to play out would be like listening to music on fast forward. It would lose its beauty, majesty, and essence as a masterpiece. The timing is part of what makes it the work of art that it is.

For those of you who are similarly figuring out how to progress through the life course who are unexpectedly doing so without a companion or without children or with unanticipated limitations, have hope. Seek the Lord to guide you and assure you, and to help you see the masterpiece He is orchestrating.

Scheduled!

2011-07-18T12:06:00.001-06:00

My thesis defense is now officially scheduled for Thursday, July 28th from 10:00AM-12:00PM.

Also, my plan is to leave Provo on Friday the 29th. Oh life...you crazy.

Adventures

2011-07-13T01:12:00.000-06:00

Last weekend I enjoyed some wonderful rest and relaxation and play among friends at a friend's cabin near Cedar City. It was fabulous. And then Saturday night came and it was time to leave. I was in a vehicle with a friend. And we were traveling along, rather content, eagarly awaiting driving within range of 106.5's show tune Saturday. While en route back to Provo, we encountered an angsty driver. We were in the passing lane at the time, having just passed another vehicle. We were going 83 mph in an 80 mph zone. As we were driving thusly, a gentleman (and I use that term loosely...it would be more accurate to simply say an adult male) driving behind us was right on our tail and swerving.

Noting the non-gentleman's hurry and hazardous driving, we prepared to change lanes and signaled. However, he changed lanes and sped past us first, honking and displaying a rather disrespectful hand gesture as he sped past. Oh, it might also be prudent to mention that at this point it was dark and raining, and that the rain had intensified. As we watched the car going past, I believe I made a comment about slowing down and giving him plenty of space since he seemed rather unsafe. My friend made a comment (which proved prophetic) of how he could easily end up in an accident if he continued driving as he was. He did continue speeding and we soon saw he swerving back and forth up ahead, and then saw his headlights as he spun out of control and off the road. Yikes!

At this point, a normal person would perhaps have been worried or anxious or traumatized or something. Let's be honest, I really don't know how normal people think. But my thought pattern went straight to research. I was recently reading a research book that reported on the bystander effect and how often times in times of crisis, when there are several witnesses, no one calls and reports it or otherwise intervenes because they all assume that someone else will. This is called diffusion of responsibility, I believe. Well, despite wanting to assume that that another driver would report the accident, I decided to not be the part of the statistic that would not have acted, so I called and reported it to 911. A short while later I saw an emergency vehicle with lights on heading past us in the direction of where we had witnessed he going off the road.

So that was the adventure. And yet another reminder that thinking of social science research has become a reflex. I'm so cool.

More progress...

2011-07-13T00:50:00.000-06:00

I have the go-ahead from my committee to schedule my thesis defense. It's coming...and speaking of big things that are coming that mark the end of an era, I'm super excited about Harry Potter 7.2.

Progress

2011-07-05T02:13:00.000-06:00

The latest draft of my thesis is officially submitted to my committee. Hopefully I will hear back from them and be able to schedule my final defense before the end of the month! And hopefully I will be successful in making all necessary revisions before the defense. July is going to be a busy month. Bring it on.

Sneak Peak

2011-07-01T11:55:00.000-06:00

Here is the current draft for my Women's Services blogpost for Monday. It's a topic that I'm pretty passionate about. If you have any suggestions or feedback on it, I'd love to hear it.

The adversary seems to work by counterfeits. He takes something good and true and finds a way to create a corrupted replica, which he tries to sell as the real thing. Usually these things limit us or burden us, where truth would otherwise set us free. A while back I started a counterfeit collection, a list of counterfeited concepts that, undetected, have been damaging. My list includes deceptive pairs such as confidence vs. pride, humility vs. self-deprecation, talking vs. communicating, love vs. lust, selflessness vs. no self, assertiveness vs. aggressiveness, faith vs. passive belief, repentance vs. behavior change, and reverence vs. just quietly sitting.

But of all of the counterfeits that I have been able to identify thus far, the one that I feel is potentially most detrimental to religious women is the counterfeiting of guilt into shame.

I believe that true guilt is something that is positive and functional that God has given us. But it is often misunderstood and counterfeited. As I see it, real guilt exists to tell us two things. First, it reminds us of the goodness of our spirits and our desires to do right. It is a reminder of our nobleness. We would not feel badly if we did not wish to do and be better. Secondly, guilt can be used as a reminder of our capacity to change and our desire to change, something made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If we can see guilt as an invitation to come unto Christ, knowing that He will forgive us and help us be better, then guilt can come to be seen as a merciful functional symptom of sin that helps direct us to the source of healing.

Unfortunately, guilt has many counterfeits. There is socially constructed and manipulative false guilt, which can be seen in the form of guilt trips which direct someone to feel responsibility for not meeting unhealthy obligations to another’s self-serving rules which can be based on other counterfeits. For example, perfectionism is a counterfeit attached to a rule dictating that we must be perfect or we are not good enough. If we believe that lie, then we feel false guilt every time we act imperfectly. This is a way that the adversary binds us and causes us to cast away our confidence in ourselves. Others’ criticisms often are based on their own belief that others should be more perfect, and thus they train people to feel false guilt. In these cases, it is helpful to become aware of underlying counterfeits and learn to break the unhealthy rules that surround them. Doing so breaks bonds that can bind us.

Another counterfeit of guilt is shame. Generally speaking, guilt is defined as feeling negatively about what they have done. Shame is feeling negatively about who they are. Guilt is feeling badly. Shame is feeling bad. Guilt is saying, “I feel badly that I hurt someone”. Shame is saying, “I feel bad because I am a mean person.” A guilty person recognizes the need to change his or her behavior in order to be more consistent with who he or she is inside. A shamed person lacks hope that they can change because they feel that who they are is so irreparably flawed. A guilty person can see pain as a function of healing, whereas a shamed person believes that pain and suffering is a punishment that they deserve.

The prophet Alma, who himself knew the pain of guilt and repentance, taught his son Corianton how to discern between these counterfeits of guilt and shame.

“And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and only let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance.” (Alma 42:29)

I interpret this to mean that our guilt and our pain are intended to invite us to repentance. To hold onto that pain, or to invite further pain, or to otherwise feel badly for the sake of feeling bad without it inviting us to Christ, does not come from Christ. It is a counterfeit of the adversary. The adversary wants us to hurt, to feel that we aren’t worthy of the Atonement and of happiness. He will try to trick us any way that he can. But Christ can set us free. His truth can set us free. Men are that they might have joy. The adversary’s lies can be captivating. They are patterned after truths and are easy to believe. But they invite us to give up hope. Shame tells us that we are unable to change. The truth is that God loves us and that change and improvement is always an option. That is why we are blessed with the ability to feel guilt and godly sorrow—as a reminder and invitation to change and become better.

In 2 Nephi 9:52 there is a line that reads “Let your hearts rejoice.” “Let” implies choice. If Satan has tricked you into thinking that you do not deserve to rejoice, don’t get caught in his lie. We needn’t be bound by his counterfeits if we can identify them and replace them with the truth. The truth is that you are amazing and you are loved, and that the Lord’s arms will always be outstretched to you, especially when you are imperfect.

Harry Potter...

2011-06-28T00:33:00.000-06:00

I'm going through a Harry Potter phase. I've been breaking out into whistling the opening bars of Hedwig's Theme multiples times a day for weeks now. Particularly whenever anyone mentions Harry Potter, which tends to be frequent enough considering that the last movie comes out in a few weeks. The whistling isn't often intentional. It just happens. Also, I've used reading Harry Potter books as a reward/procrastination mechanism relative to my thesis work. Accordingly, my blogpost for Women's Services also had some Harry Potter influence. Feel free to check it out here.

Grrr...

2011-06-24T16:57:00.001-06:00

Remember that time that I wrote my results section and sent it in to my advisor, and then he sent it back with corrections and answers to all my questions, and then I made all those corrections and implemented all the new information and then I thought I saved it and closed it, and then when I tried to email it to myself I discovered that I hadn't actually saved it? Yeah...that wasn't the best. But on the bright side (since my paper is on optimism--otherwise, I would not look for a bright side), it'll be a fairly quick fix tomorrow since I know what needs to be done.

Also, speaking of optimism, while on vacation one of my sisters mentioned being optimistic and I very snappishly (and reportedly somewhat hostile-y...and probably angry coercive-ly) told she not to talk about optimism around me. I think I scared my sister-in-law. I think my thesis is getting to me. I'm trying to reconcile with optimism now rather than be a pessimistic hater. Good times.

Talking nerdy

2011-06-22T19:03:00.001-06:00

Something that I have become aware of (I've been aware of it before, but have this cycle of forgetting and rediscovering) is that I make a lot of references to social science research in my conversation. And this tends to be fine with my colleagues, since much of our conversation is somewhat homogenized around our theses and clinical work and related shared professional interests.

But then I go to a social gathering in which I am not among my cohort or coworkers. And within a few minutes of discussion I cite a study. Or start a sentence with something akin to, "according to a recent research article". And of course I use words like "homogenized", "qualitatively" and "hypothesize".

A part of me suspects (hypothesizes, if you will) that other people in conversation will assume me to be highly intelligent. But in reality, I feel a bit of a fool for being incapable of a normal conversation (i.e. a social interaction that doesn't draw upon research). Also problematic is when I start coding others' social interaction aloud.

Moral of the study: I talk nerdy, which makes me both awesome and awkward.

Thesis! Oh, thesis!

2011-06-15T18:38:00.000-06:00

Homework! Oh, homework!

I hate you! You stink!
I wish I could wash you
away in the sink.
If only a bomb
would explode you to bits.
Homework! Oh, homework!
You're giving me fits.
I'd rather take baths
with a man-eating shark,
or wrestle a lion
alone in the dark,
eat spinach and liver,
pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework
my teacher assigns.
Homework! Oh, homework!
You're last on my list.
I simply can't see
why you even exist.
If you just disappeared
it would tickle me pink.
Homework! Oh, homework!
I hate you! You stink!

When I was in the 5th grade, I quite enjoyed the poetry (aka clever rhymes) of Jack Prelutsky. Among my favorites was the poem Homework! Oh, homework!, which I included above for your reading enjoment. I thought of it recently, although I must confess that I imagined the word 'thesis' replacing 'homework'. And I felt badly about it containing the word 'hate'. Because really, my sentiments are not quite so vitriolic, plus I try to avoid that word generally.

Anyway...I am well underway in working on my thesis. The goal is to have a full first draft, introduction to conclusion with everything in between, to my professor by the 27th. And there is a lot to do, and I am super confused with my correlations table right now.

But, I am working on it. In the past my days looked like this:

But no more. Me and my thesis are going to be spending lots of quality time (QT) together. And it will be great.

Sisters, Sisters...

2011-06-09T20:03:00.001-06:00

I have been blessed with some amazing sisters (including an awesome sister-in-law).

Yeah...we're cool.

Sometimes I'm awkward.

Yeah, we're studly too.

I heart my sisters (and by 'heart' I mean 'love'...it's not a misspelling of 'hate').

Recent WSR posts

2011-06-02T06:08:00.000-06:00

Lest anyone is interested in reading my recent blogspots with Women's Services & Resources, I'm linking my three previous blogposts. All three have addressed aspects of healthy sexuality. The first addressed seeing sexuality from a foundation of truth, the second addresses sexuality education in the home, and the third addresses couple communication around the topic. Enjoy!

Art

2011-06-01T17:55:00.001-06:00

So I was on my cot falling asleep when I decided to photo-document my prospective nap (yes, I'm cool). When I looked at the picture, I noticed that there was not one, not two, not three, but four churchy pictures in the background. And I wondered, how many gospel-related pictures are there in my house? So, I recruited a sister and sister-in-law and we had a scavenger hunt of sorts. And we determined that there are approximately 65 church-related decorations displayed prominently throughout the house, the majority of which were upstairs. I look forward to having my own gospel-sharing home someday. My goal for my apartment in Georgia: to have at least three decorative images to remind me of my faith and to serve as conversation-starters for others.

My nephew is a stud

2011-06-01T13:31:00.000-06:00

Just sayin'...

Vacation

2011-05-27T20:11:00.001-06:00

I am leaving on vacation tomorrow. And while I am definitely looking forward to seeing my family, I feel as though I will be slightly owned by the thesis while I'm gone if I don't get a draft of it finished before I leave. Prayers for motivation and efficiency are welcome.

Study Ritual for Georgia

2011-05-25T18:56:00.000-06:00

As previously mentioned, I adopted a study ritual for facilitating motivation and greater focus while working on my thesis. This ritual has entailed wearing fake bling (and more recently has also included a bandana). However, in looking forward to the future, I feel uneasy about maintaining the same ritual while in Georgia. I feel as though I need to find a new ritual. And until today, nothing I could think of seemed to fit. I considered keeping with the costume/accessory theme and contemplated dressing up as a pirate or cowboy. But it just didn’t feel right.

But today, whilst babysitting a sleeping child, inspiration struck. You see, since the child was sleeping, I was free to work on the thesis in the living room. And in said living room, the young child has a small tent set up. And while the couch and table would have been a more stately choice of work area, I opted for the small tent. And while therein, I found myself to be quite focused and productive. Granted, it was quite cramped and was not terribly comfortable for my neck and back. But, if I were in a larger tent, I don’t anticipate encountering that obstacle.

Ergo, the idea for a replacement ritual is to someday work on my dissertation with in a tent. Will that happen? Probably not. (Because I will want to have access to an electrical outlet for my laptop thus allowing for typing and reviewing literature online, and that particular resource is better afforded by the great indoors; plus I don’t anticipate having room for a tent in my place of residence.) But if it did, would it be awesome beyond all reason? Probably yes. Just sayin’.

And if anyone has other study ritual ideas, I’m open to suggestions.

Hey look...I'm in a magazine!

2011-05-23T15:29:00.000-06:00

BYU's College of Family, Home & Social Sciences puts out a magazine called Connections. One of the articles features highlights of the Flourishing Families Project, the research project I've been involved with as a behavioral coder for the past 3.5 years. I'm quoted in the article a few times and there is even a picture with me in it. If you want to check it out, I attached a link to the above picture.

Oh the irony...

2011-05-19T22:48:00.000-06:00

So, confession. I am not the best person at parking my car. And my roadside parking job last night was not a particularly great parking job, but it was good enough. At least I thought so. But apparently not everyone agrees. Because the next morning, when I went to drive my car to class, I found a note.

This note made me smile a little bit, because I appreciate irony. And I considered this note to be ironic. Allow me to share it's contents. On the back of a small institute flier, in a girl's handwriting, I read the following:

Thanks for parking like an idiot so nobody else can park here. Be considerate of others next time.

So here is my therapist/coder/sometimes-bratty-person analysis: Despite using the word 'thanks', I don't think they were really grateful. Rather, I think they were being passive-aggressive (but not that passive) and contemptuous. In using the phrase "parking like an idiot" I can't code her for verbal attack, since the insult was qualified to be descriptive only of my parking rather than of me as a person. But it was still hostility (HS), contempt (CT) and antisocial (AN). "Be considerate of others next time" was a directive/command rather than an invitation. Since I'm assuming it was hostile in tone and intent, it wouldn't qualify for assertiveness (AR), but would qualify for dominance (DO). It could possibly be considered lecture/moralize (LM) as well. That one is shaky though.

I would also assume that this individual was experiencing a great deal of stress that day to have made it a priority to stop their vehicle, write a note, and put it on my car before leaving to find a spot elsewhere. They were likely also quite tired, considering that they were arriving to their home even later than I was arriving to mine, and in similar conditions of darkness and rainy-ness. I also assume that they aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, because to counsel someone to be considerate after accusing them of behaving like an idiot is hypocritical and ironic. But hey, she was probably having a bad day and might not know healthy coping mechanism for dealing with her frustrations. It happens.

Also, I probably need to practice my parking.

Radio debut

2011-05-18T22:54:00.000-06:00

I was a guest on a talk radio show today. The show is called Healing Talk, and was aired on KSTAR 1400AM here in Utah. A colleague of mine who interns with the show guest-hosted while the regular host was on vacation, and I was invited to come on and talk. I spoke about Emotion Coaching, based on a book by Dr. John Gottman called "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting". I think I did pretty well for a rookie to radio.

WSR post

2011-05-16T15:06:00.000-06:00

I posted on the Women's Services & Resources blog today. If you want to check it out, go here.

Letter to self

2011-05-16T10:27:00.001-06:00

Dear Ellsworth,

Don't forget to work extensively on your thesis today.

Sincerely,
Your future

Quote

2011-05-14T18:32:00.000-06:00

While reading for my play therapy class, I can across this quote taken from the book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz:

"Oh, I see;" said the Tin Woodman. "But, after all, brains are not the best things in the world."
Have you any?" enquired the Scarecrow.
No, my head is quite empty," answered the Woodman; "but once I had brains, and a heart also; so, having tried them both, I should much rather have a heart."
— L. Frank Baum (The Wonderful Wizard of Oz)

I feel as though lately, being a student and all, I focus a disproportionate amount of my attention on developing my brains. So this quotation was a nice reminder of something that I believe: that developing my intellect and knowledge base isn't the only or the most important thing. Don't get me wrong, I'll continue to love learning, but I want to make sure that it isn't at the expense of development as a whole person.

Professionalism, or lack thereof

2011-05-13T11:11:00.000-06:00

So, I'll admit it: Professionalism is not one of my strong points. As an overall package, I feel that I am able to present myself in a credible and honorable way. But generally, there is always some peace the is missing. In my wardrobe, it tends to be shoes. When I taught SFL 240, there was one one day each semester in which I wore "real shoes". Instead, I opted for either flip-flops or loafers. (Sorry, Mom. No, this doesn't mean that you have failed as a mother.) Early on in teaching the coding class I unintentionally adopted the habits of climbing on and jumping off the conference room table on the first day of class. I have dropped this tradition since the batteries were replaced in the projector remote.

Today my professionalism fail was the first statement I made when entering the classroom for the coding class. To put it in coding terms, I expressed some mid-level-intensity externalized negative (EX). In non-coding terms, I made the seemingly-out-of-nowhere negative comment, "I'm angry at overly-conservative 90-year-old women", with a somewhat hostile vocal quality. And then explained why.

And lest you are curious, here is my reasoning. A few days ago a colleague of mine who interns with a radio show informed me that she was hosting the show next week, and expressed an interest in having me come on as a guest to talk about something that I am passionate about: healthy sexuality education in the home. Among many conservative populations, there is a taboo about issues relating to sexuality which prevents parents from effectively becoming their children's primary sex education, thus leaving their children unarmed them with information, and parents unavailable to respond to questions presented by their children that are often inspired by peers and media. One statistic I found indicated that 80% of parents don't talk to their children about sex, with 50% citing the reason as feeling to embarrassed to do so. When parents abdicate their role as their children's primary sex educator, that rule falls to peers, television or the internet. And, since most conservative parents do not share the values and messages promulgated in society, this is detrimental the children's socialization. Anyway...I'm passionate about it. And I was really excited about getting to reach a target audience and spread awareness.

Unfortunately, the topic wasn't approved. My colleague contacted the usual host who liked the idea, but advised getting it approved by the owner, indicating that she might have some reservations. So she called the owner of the show, a 90-year-old woman, and as soon as she said the word "sex", she was met with very strong resistance and was made to feel like a vile sinner for even suggesting such a thing. Apparently the show caters to a very conservative audience, and the topic was deemed wildly inappropriate.

I understand that this woman is from a generation and culture in which sexuality is taboo. And I recognize the need for sensitivity and discretion around such a sacred topic. But the strength of her reported opposition exemplifies the very reason this topic needs to be addressed. Parents in today's world who assume the same fear-based approach are doing their children a disservice, because those children will encounter pornography and see and hear something divine being defamed, and they need to be taught about sex in its appropriate context so that they can make sense of the counter-messages. So, I was sad and mad that the people who need it most are closed to messages that are needed in today's world. And thus my non-professional statement at the beginning of class.

Also, I accidentally locked my flip-flops in the classroom. Luckily, I had a pair of real shoes in my car.

Late night

2011-05-13T11:09:00.000-06:00

While at the clinic after-hours, a BYU security officer happened across me working in the small computer lab and had to call in my information and check to make sure I was authorized to be there. He radioed in and read them the ID number from my student ID card. I overheard the response which confirmed that I was a graduate student and a part-time faculty. Cute...I qualify as faculty. That pretty much made my day.

Family Symposium

2011-05-07T11:26:00.000-06:00

So I just remembered another good thing I'm involved in that makes my life unbalanced, but that I'm not willing to give up because it's so great. I'm helping volunteer a little here and there for a symposium being put on by students. Right now is their fundraiser. I hate asking people for money, so if you feel uncomfortable reading this, I totally understand. And don't feel like you have to donate for my sake. No guilt, no need to account to me about if you did or didn't. But if it looks like a cause that you want to support, and if you have the desire and means to do so, I invite you to donate, even if it is just a dollar or two. Here's some info:

The group is called Students for the Family (www.studentsforthefamily.org) and the symposium is all about strengthening the family in our homes and communities. The name and theme of this year's symposium is Strengthening the Family: Engaging Issues with Courage. I volunteered at and attended the symposium last year and it was amazing.

In order to fund the symposium, we're trying to raise $8,000 in the next 10 days by talking to everyone we know and getting them to chip in just a few bucks. If you could go to www.tippingbucket.org and chip in a few bucks (or even $1 if that’s all you can give), that would be amazing and greatly appreciated. All donations are currently being matched 5 to 1, so if you donate $5, that becomes $30 for the symposium, if you donate $1, that becomes $6, etc. Also, if you wanted to pass the word along to others who might be interested in supporting the cause, that would be awesome.

Again, if you can't/don't want to/don't feel comfortable, don't feel badly about it. And if you can and want to, it's a great cause.

Okay, that is all. Have a great weekend.

Allison

Unbalanced

2011-05-06T13:25:00.000-06:00

Let's be honest, I'm not the best at being balanced. I tend to take on too many good things. But generally that works for me. I'm hopeful that it will continue to work for me this summer. Currently, in addition to taking classes, I am working at the coding lab, trying to finish up my thesis, trying to finish up my client hours, plus I've started volunteering with the Utah Valley Crisis Line, and I just found out yesterday that I was accepted for an internship with BYU Women's Services and Resources. My plan is to cut back on work while I finish up my thesis, and to try to do my WSR responsibilities and thesis work while volunteering at the crisis line when I'm not responding to call (unless I'm busy with projects since I sort of volunteered to create training materials for them...).

But I'm excited for this internship. It shouldn't be very demanding. I applied because I figured that it would be a fun form of self-care. Essentially, what I do is blog once a week on a women's issue of my choice. So it gives me a great excuse to think about things I care about and it gives me a medium for sharing those ideas. So that is the latest noble contributor to my life being overcrowded with good things. If you want to follow my posts, I am scheduled to post on their blog on Mondays, starting on May 17th. And I received permission to post an early Mother's Day message today. Feel free to check it out here.

A letter to my thesis

2011-05-03T11:58:00.000-06:00

Dear Thesis,

I'm going to be very honest with you. A part of me doesn't want to call you 'dear'. I want to declare you my enemy. I may even want to see unkind things done to you. (I'll even confess that the phrase that immediately popped into mind was 'shank you and dance in your blood', and I imagined that blood resembling ink. Awkward? Yes. Morbid? Yes. Sorry. But I'm being honest.) That part of me wants to battle it out, and after much pain, sweat, blood and tears, be declared the conquerer.

But still, I did start this letter with 'dear', because I believe that we needn't be adversarial. And really, I am the one who has created this imagined war. You have never done anything to trespass against me. True, your existence does prove to be a bit of a nuisance and is a current roadblock between me and graduation, but perhaps I can come to see you more as stepping stone than as the stumbling block I've made you out to be.

So here is my proposition: I will try to see you as a friend rather than a foe. I will try to look forward to our lengthy daily rendezvous rather that fear them. Maybe we can go on a picnic together. Maybe we can listen to music together. We can bounce ideas off of each other and facilitate the growth of the other. And then, perhaps, when it comes time to part, perhaps I can do so with a touch of tenderness. And so, with some trepidation, I look forward to our time together and hope that I can come to love you and that we can both be formative in each other's development. I'm sorry for having wished that you'd be shanked. It wasn't personal. It's not you; it's me. And I'm trying to change. So let's be friends.

Best regards,

Allison

Friday

2011-04-24T22:21:00.000-06:00

Friday was a busy day for me. I pretended to graduate with my Masters (meaning I walked in graduation, but I don't actually graduate until I finish my thesis and therapy hours), I moved to a different house, I went with my parents to visit my grandpa in Roy and I bought a vehicle. It was a good day.

At the end of the day, as I was laying in bed in a guest room in the basement of my grandpa's house, I reflected on my day and all the great things that happened. And I came to the conclusion that the highlight of my day was going to bed without wasting time on the computer beforehand. That told me two things: 1) that I need to cut down on my evening laptop usage, and 2) that I need to change my attitude and learn to focus more on celebrating the good rather than the lack of bad.

It's been a great weekend.

Not thinking

2011-04-20T23:56:00.000-06:00

The brain is an amazing thing. Earlier today I found myself whistling a song. It was the Battle Hymn of the Republic. But it was an arrangement of the piece that I had first learned as a sophomore or junior in high school. I wondered how that song ended up in my head. And then I came up with a clever chain of associated events that could explain why my brain would choose to introduce that song into my working memory.

So, at the time the song entered my head, or at least that I became aware of it, I was walking across campus, on a southeastern path from near the Hinckley Center toward my current place of residence. Earlier that day I had been in the Hinckley Center renting my regalia for graduation. When I noticed the song and what it was, I was cutting through the parking lot just north of the administration building, the same place I had lined up for graduation just two years ago. And then I realized that that song was a song that the choir sang during my high school graduation 9 years ago on the football field of Mesa High School.

I think that somehow, unconsciously, my brain was able to connect the dots between graduations and used present cues to evoke sensory data from past associated events. Pretty cool. Brains are rad. And apparently graduation is on my mind...

Walking

2011-04-20T23:45:00.000-06:00

I picked up my cap and gown today. And I must confess, I am somewhat resistant to the idea of walking in graduation. The way I see it graduation is a lovely and time-honored tradition that acts as a rite of passage. But here's the thing...I'm not actually graduating until August, and even that is ambiguous, because I will likely be done with everything before July. And graduation for me doesn't represent a transition from the academic world into the work force. It is simply a punctuation mark (probably a comma) between one graduate program and the next. So I'm not particularly thrilled to be walking.

BUT...I am excited that I will be sharing that experience with my cohort. And I am grateful to have loving parents who are so eager to support me and are in town. And I'm looking forward to hearing Elder Scott speak at commencement. And I do think that the Masters robes are a lot cooler than the Bachelors robes. The arms remind me of a dementor. Maybe it is symbolic of how grad school sucks the life and all joy out of its students...but no. That wouldn't make sense; because I have actually really loved school and life.

Moving forward

2011-04-16T23:53:00.000-06:00

Today, in a successful effort to avoid a final paper, I have been planning for the future. In so doing, I have decided to move to a new house/apartment. I am also feeling pretty confident about buying a car next Saturday. So, I will enter Spring term in a new place, with a vehicle, and with some fun classes to take, all the while working at the coding lab, working on my thesis, and finishing up client hours. I'm pretty excited.

Growth

2011-04-15T00:04:00.001-06:00

Looking back. 02 September 2009. My first day of beginning practicum during my first semester of my Master's program. Dr. Harper asked the class to think of think of a toy that represented their defense mechanism. I struggled to come up with something that seemed to fit. Eventually I settled on the idea of a Hoberman Sphere. I didn't know the name at the time. I just thought of it as "those expanding ball things". I have a picture from my mission with my head inside one. I figured that when I felt threatened of unsafe that I tended to close and tighten. It was my toy. I decided that day that someday, when I had my own office, I would have such a toy on one of my shelves to act as a reminder to me.

Jumping ahead to present. 12 April 2011. For the last day of supervision I was supposed to bring an object that represented my growth. Again, I thought of the Hoberman Sphere. I found an online image of it, printed out the color picture. In explaining it I spoke of how I am better able to be open. I feel that I have grown, that my capacity has expanded, and that my sphere of influence is greater.

Next week I will walk at graduation. I don't technically graduate until August (assuming that I have my thesis all finished up by then), but I will walk with my cohort. It is amazing to think that I have nearly graduated with a Master's degree and will soon be pursuing a doctorate. It is amazing how much I have grown. As a graduation present to myself, I may just buy myself a Hoberman Sphere. Or a car.

2011-04-13T02:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was my final day of teaching SFL 240. I have taught Parenting and Child Guidance for the past two semesters and have thoroughly loved it. Yesterday was also my last day of supervision with Liz. She has been my extra supervisor for the past 14 months and has been the most influential person in my life during my graduate program. She is one of my personal heroes. She has helped me develop and progress as an educator, clinician and person. I'm sad to see such good things come to an end. Or at least to have the nature of the presence of those good things considerably altered. I will carry memories, lessons learned and evidences of personal growth with me throughout my life, so it isn't completely something that is ended and behind me. I will carry pieces with me. But I reckon that my Tuesdays will feel mighty lonely for a while. I will miss my students. I will miss teaching. I will miss Liz. In fact, I already do.

Spheres of Influence

2011-04-10T22:58:00.000-06:00

When I was three, I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. My response (at least according to a nursery spotlight sheet): A teacher and a mommy. I maintained that ambition through high school and into college. I declared my major as Elementary Education to aid me in my pursuit of that goal. I knew that I wanted to help kids and that I wanted to teach. And I knew that the desire of my heart is to have a family.

Then I served a mission. And there I realized that I didn't want to be an elementary school teacher. I still wanted to help kids, and I still wanted to teach though. But, in observing and interacting with many families and individuals there, I realized that I would have more influence to do good and help children by helping improve the quality of their family life. And so, when I returned to BYU, I changed my major to MFHD and sought out experiences that would prepare me for a graduate degree in MFT.

And then I was an MFT graduate student. And I figured that I would become a therapist so that I could help couples and parents, and by extension help children. I have had many parenting-related cases and have loved working with parents. I also sought out teaching experiences. I prepared for and twice taught SFL 240: Parenting and Child Guidance. I prepared for and three (going on four) times facilitated a psychoeducation group on parenting in the Comprehensive Clinic. And that has further extended my sphere of influence as I help parents help their children.

Then I attended the AAMFT national conference. And I recognized a need for researchers and leaders contributing to the conservative voice in support of the family and natural family structures. And I started thinking more seriously about getting a PhD. I could conduct meaningful research. I could try to be involved in influencing policy on the family using good social science research. My influence may be able to extend to a more macro level.

And I decided to pursue a PhD and the potential for a future career in academia. I would want to teach and I would want to supervise clinicians-in-training. I can influence those who will work with their own clients. I can continue to work with clients myself. I can continue to teach. I would do research and find ways to be involved in strengthening the family.

I keep finding my ambitions growing in ways that allow me to have a greater sphere of influence. I wonder if this is part of my mission in life, at least for a time. I hope so. I hope that I can do some good. I want to teach and mentor and supervise and serve. I want to help kids, and adults who were once kids. And the education I am receiving is preparing me to do great things on a variety of levels.

My ambitions have not changed. I still want to be a teacher and a mommy. And I want to help kids. My Plan A in life would be to be focused on family life rather than on family studies right now. But I find myself being dealt Plan B. And so I am seeking ways to do good and to influence others. I am able to learn and teach and to prepare to be a good mommy and to help others to do so as well. I am going to make my Plan B as awesome as possible, and I'm going to do as much good as I can while I'm single. I want to discover and fulfill my divine mission. I want to be an instrument. But I sure do hope I will be able to shift to Plan A before too long.

"Filled with nerdy excitement"

2011-04-02T00:30:00.000-06:00

I started a question with the preface "as a nerdy academic wannabe..." I admitted to having a picture of the circle diagram mapping out the relationship between coding scales as my computer screensaver. Dr. Jan Melby of Iowa State University, and primary author of the coding manual I've been coding from for the past three years, visited BYU and presented several trainings over the past few days. I attended as much as I could, and mourned missing parts of her presentations because I needed to teach and guest lecture. On Friday, after the final two hour training meeting for the coders, as we were to part for the last time, I asked a question. I prefaced this one with "I have a nerdy request..." And then I asked her to autograph my coding manual. And she did.

Happy Turtle

2011-03-30T00:11:00.000-06:00

A friend at work told me I reminded her of this turtle/picture. Maybe it is because I was wearing green. Maybe I smiled big. Or maybe its because I was eating a strawberry from off the ground. I may never know. Regardless of what resemblance she saw, I am just happy to be aware of the existence of this phenomenal photo.

Self-care

2011-03-29T20:02:00.000-06:00

I figured I need to be more proactive about self-care so that I can keep healthy for the end of the semester. So tonight I decided to go to the coding lab and code for fun. Meaning that I don't log in to work. And that I listen to Disney music (including High School Musical) really loud while I do my pro bono paperwork and grading. I don't know what I'm going to do for self-care when I'm in Georgia and don't have jobs that I do for fun.

Reframe

2011-03-25T00:03:00.000-06:00

So generally, I think about how intimidating the idea of going to Georgia for a PhD is. But I was talking with a friend today, and it occurred to me that life will be a lot easier in a lot of ways when I head to that program. It will definitely be challenging, but in many ways, I will be demoted to having less rigorous demands. Rather than teaching college courses (initially), I might just be a teaching assistant. Rather than managing a research lab, I might just be a research assistant. And it will likely only be one or the other rather than both. I will work less hours, see fewer clients, and potentially have a decreased work load (although I'm not counting on that one). I also anticipate receiving more mentoring, and being more personally invested in and passionate about my research. So yeah. Getting a PhD should be a nice vacation for me.

Wasting time...

2011-03-24T23:41:00.000-06:00

Just for kicks, I decided to take an online, 240-item questionnaire that measures and ranks character strengths. Here's how I fared.

Your Top Strength

Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.

Your Second Strength

Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

Your Third Strength

Caution, prudence, and discretion
You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.

Your Fourth Strength

Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Your Fifth Strength

Perspective (wisdom)
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.

Strength#6

Forgiveness and mercy
You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.

Strength#7

Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.

Strength#8

Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Strength#9

Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Strength#10

Leadership
You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.

My students are awesome

2011-03-12T23:16:00.001-07:00

So I've been grading papers for the past several hours. My favorite assignment of the semester, a Family of Origin paper, fell due on Thursday. The length requirement was specified as "no less than 12 pages". One student had asked if there was a maximum length for the assignment. I was taken off guard and ultimately said to keep it under 20. And some of my students are using close to all 20 pages! Two of the seven I've graded so far have been 19 pages long. The average is probably 15 or 16. And here is an email I received today from one of my students who submitted her assignment late (knowing my late policy to be 5% points off per school day it is late).

Here is my final Family of Origin paper. I took me much longer than I expected, but I'm glad that I took the extra time (even though it made me one more day late) because I got much more out of it. Thank you for teaching me to see the worth of the assignment rather than worrying about the grade. Oh, and it's 14 pages long, I hope that's ok!

This makes me feel like a success as an educator. One of my goals has been to help my students be active learners, motivated by a desire to learn and become, rather than simply meeting grading criterion. I'm glad to know that at least some of them are catching the vision, and that assignments are meaningful to them. Because, let's be honest, I didn't assign these papers because I have lots of free time for reading 500 more pages of student writing. But I am certainly enjoying it.

Georgia on my mind

2011-03-11T00:41:00.000-07:00

I started this post weeks ago, but never got around to finishing it. But, since I need to be working on my thesis, now seems like a good time get back to this.

So, as has been mentioned previously, I chose to accept an offer to study at UGA's Child & Family Development (MFT emphasis) doctoral program. I am both excited and terrified. It was a difficult choice for me. The other option was Texas Tech. I had an offer to be a part of their MFT program, and I was sorely tempted. That felt like a much safer option. If I had chosen Texas Tech I think that I would have felt much more comfortable. I would have been closer to home and to family. I would be close to my mission. And the rural feel of things felt very comfortable to me. I would have had easy access to Blue Bell ice cream. I also really liked the faculty and had opportunities to pursue the kinds of research I'm interested in. And the program is only two years of coursework (as opposed to three at UGA).

So why did I choose Georgia? Well, they had a great program, with a great faculty, a beautiful campus, a great teaching model, great teaching opportunities, a degree that emphasized family science research, and great funding. But that wasn't really the reason I chose it.

I feel as though a lot of my decision-making process was influenced by a favorite talk. This talk teaches the true nature of education and how it is meant to help one find and fulfill their divine mission. It also mentions not aspiring to comforts. Here is an excerpt:

"I once heard wonderful counsel about selecting a career. When a man was asked why he had chosen to become a minister, he replied, "I looked where the fighting was the heaviest and where the lines were the thinnest, and that's where I chose to go." Part of your opportunity to serve the kingdom of God depends more upon where you live than on the specific career you select. Seeking the comforts of an exclusive neighborhood may exclude you from significant opportunities to make a difference. Don't aspire to comforts, be they economic or religious. Don't stay here too long. The world needs you!"

I feel as though I am still in the process of discovering my life mission, but I feel like the world needs me. And I feel as though it is important for me to be able to receive an education that allows me to be part of the conservative voice that stands in defense of natural family structures. I want to be able to contribute to meaningful research to support the family. I want to be able to teach and supervise and mentor others. Whatever that Lord needs me to do, I want to be prepared to do it. And I feel as though I will be better trained and better able to do that through the experiences I will have at UGA.

Their program has a good reputation. Because it is a CFD degree, it is as though I am getting two PhDs, one in family sciences, and one in MFT. I will have great training and experience in research and in teaching. I will be able to teach things that I care about. I will be better prepared to qualify for and enter a faculty position after I graduate. I will gain valuable mentorship. I feel as though it will expand my sphere of influence and better enable me to do good and fulfill whatever life mission the Lord has in store for me.

In making the decision, I was torn. I felt as though Texas Tech was a better fit for me as a person. But I felt as though University of Georgia was a better fit for my goals. I also felt as though Texas Tech would be the easier choice. But I'm not going to get a PhD to be comfortable. I'm going because maybe the world needs me. Or maybe just a few people need me. Maybe my future family need me to learn things there, or to simply learn things by choosing and doing hard things. In coming to my decision I prayed, I visited the temple, I fasted, I reasoned it out. And ultimately, I made my choice. And I don't regret it.

But it's scary. I'm so scared. I am leaving the "Stone Cold Sober" university to attend the "#1 party school" in the nation. I know a few people in Georgia, but they are all hours away. I need to find housing. I will be going from a singles ward that covers only a few blocks, to a small singles branch, of which most members are young undergraduates. I worry that I will be lonely. And alone. I fear that I might not be able to be successful. And I worry that I will have a hard time being myself. I'm scared that I will graduate in my early 30s and still be single. The future doesn't appear scary to me. But I see myself as being very scared going into the future.

I'm also hopeful. Because I feel divinely led, I know that everything will turn out. I know that I will turn to the Lord more and that doing so will help me grow in ways that I need to grow in order to be the instrument that I want to be. I know that I will be a better and more whole person leaving that program because of the challenges I will face. And I know that it won't just be challenges. There will be good and beautiful things and people too. I will come to love it and I will likely have a hard time leaving someday.

Well, enough about the future. For now. I should probably get back to the present. I still have papers to write, papers to grade, lessons to plan, and work to do. But really, I'll probably just make a snack and go to bed early and take care of some of those things in the morning.

And the winner is...

2011-03-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

University of Georgia. Go Bulldogs!

Accepted

2011-03-02T23:32:00.001-07:00

I have been accepted to the MFT doctoral programs at Texas Tech and University of Georgia. It's a huge relief to have the next several years of my life mapped out. And it is exciting to think of the adventures ahead of me. I'm waiting to hear back about assistantships before making a decision about where to attend, and I want to go to the temple and pray about it as well. I'm learning towards Georgia presently. But there are some compelling appeals to both programs. I'm grateful for my agency, and for having multiple options to choose between.

Arizona Layover

2011-02-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

I had a 4-hour layover in the Phoenix airport on my trip back to SLC from Georgia. It was great because that meant that I could squeeze in a short visit with my family. I had lunch at Matta's (my favorite Mexican food restaurant) with Mom, Dad, Em and my nieces. Then I went home and got to see my grandparents, some cousins and the horses. Good times.

Georgia Highlights

2011-02-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

Interviewing at UGA
Talking with/asking questions to the student who hosted us
The blossoms on the trees
The weather
The greenness of the south
The public tranportation
Dinner at PittyPat's Porch (authentic Southern cuisine)

I really liked UGA and was super impressed with their program, how it is organized, what they have to offer, and the attitudes that faculty and students have toward it. I don't feel that I performed as well as an interviewee as I would have liked, but am still hopeful that perhaps they may want me. They will admit about 6, and there were 12 who interviewed. I should hear back from them by Tuesday or Wednesday about whether I am accepted, rejected or an alternate.

Post-Lubbock Texas

2011-02-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, I flew out of Lubbock to Austin, where Sherry and Michael picked me up to drive me down to Waco to spend a day and a half when them before heading off to Georgia. Some of the highlights during that leg of the journey include:

Buying a pair of jeans on sale at the outlet mall. I love them.
Going to IKEA
Long chats with Sherry
Seeing and holding my nephew
Having the missionaries over for dinner
Going for a long walk with Sherry & Michael
Hearing back from Texas Tech that I'm accepted into their program
Watching the end of Jeff's softball game
Watching the Suns game on TV with Jeff
Reliving a P-Day memory at the Fort Worth Stockyards

Highlights of Lubbock

2011-02-23T16:29:00.000-07:00

Bluebell ice cream
Watching half of season three of Full House
Texas Tech interviews
Spencer's cute kids
Getting advice from Matt
Drinking juice (I like juice)
Sleeping on a bunkbed

Self-Nurturing Kit

2011-02-20T13:13:00.001-07:00

A supervisor once introduced me to the concept of a self-nurturing kit. It is a kit of small objects that can connect a person, through their senses (touch, taste, smell, sight, sound) to the present. It was advised for clients returning to places or situations in which they might be sucked into an old system or otherwise be anxious and forget about their progress.

I decided that I would create my own mini self-nurturing kit to take with me to PhD interviews. It doesn't necessarily connect me to the senses, but it contains reminders of my competencies and contains symbols that will remind me to be real, genuine and connected.

My self-nurturing kit consists of the following: My BYU thumb

drive with all my teaching lesson plans, my patriarchal blessing, and a monkey Christmas ornament. I might choose a song to think of as well. Hopefully these things remind me of my strengths as an academic, as a daughter of God, and as quirky and endearing person.

Well, I'm off to catch a flight to Texas. Wish me luck!

Happy Arizona Statehood Day!

2011-02-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Today is Arizona's 99th birthday. So today, I will celebrate by eating chips and Matta's salsa while listening to the song "I Love You Arizona" and waving about a small Arizona flag. This may be in the presence of other Arizonans. Also, I want to start a countdown to Arizona's 100th birthday. 365 days and counting. Maybe I'll make a paper chain (but probably not).

Mischief managed

2011-02-11T21:53:00.000-07:00

I presented in the dating conference today. I think that it went well. And I appreciated the good friends who came and supported me. Good times.

Hey look...it's my name!

2011-02-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

The dog ate your homework

2011-01-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

I live in a house. One of my housemates owns a dog. The dog's name is Oliver. He goes by Ollie for short. Ollie is a chocolate lab. If I didn't live with Ollie, I would adore him. He is very cute and playful. But dang it, that dog makes my life miserable. He has destroyed two pairs of my shoes, a loaf of my bread, and a box of pancake mix. He tears up whatever he can find and leaves it strewn about the living room floor. He sheds on the furniture. And if I ever fail to close my bedroom door all the way, he comes in and goes through my garbage, leaving it strewn about my bedroom floor. Accordingly, I don't like to invite people over, I don't like to sit on the couch, and I can't leave my bedroom door open to let air circulate. No me gusta.

The lastest Ollie-making-my-life-complicated situation occurred yesterday. I had left a bag that I keep my teaching materials in on the kitchen table. He somehow managed to get to my bag, to pull out a stack of student papers, and left his teethmarks on them, while drooling on and bending others. So now, in my class on Tuesday, I am going to have to apologize to my students, because my roommate's dog ate their homework.

Georgia On My Mind

2011-01-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

I received a phone call today. It was Dr. Lee Johnson, the director of the MFT program at the University of Georgia. He was letting me know that I am invited to interview for their doctoral program. I'm excited. UGA is currently my top choice of where to go for my Ph.D. I'm also excited that my friend Lexie is similarly interviewing there and that we will be able to travel and have adventures together in Georgia next month. Yay.

2011

2011-01-24T18:51:00.001-07:00

So it seems that I have not yet posted a blog in the year 2011. I am hereby officially correcting that most egregious situation. (I'm tempted to just press 'publish post' now, thereby correcting the situation with the greatest haste possible. But I shall delay accomplishing said task in order to include content in this post.)

Here is that latest on 2011 & me:

It's a good year. I am really enjoying my courses, my clients, my classes, I feel that I am learning and growing , I am more active, and I am more sociable.

My favorite course thus far is probably Gender & Ethnicity. I am learning a lot from the experiences of others and it makes me think, and it helps me know how to be more aware. This week I will write a paper on what life would have been like if I had been born another ethnicity or gender. I think I'm going to go with gender. It should fun. I also find learning about life course theory in my other course to be fascinating. I'm excited to potentially explore agency as a principle in social sciences for a research paper. And I love my practicum. I can tell that I will be stretched as a clinician if I let myself be.

Client work is demanding and rewarding. I love change process, and I love how my theory of change is developing. And I love how I am developing and changing. I have the best major for me ever.

And I still love teaching. Sometimes when I think of theorists, I get giddy. And when I think of how I get to teach emotion coaching tomorrow, I uncontrollably break out with spirit fingers and a huge, albeit sheepish, smile. It's a good life. And when I grade papers, I care about people and ideas. And I feel reinforced that what I am doing is what I want to do.

Still, life is not perfect, mind you. A part of me is very ready to move to a new house. I find that I don't like living with big dogs. And I'm also worried that I'm unintentionally becoming an insufferable know-it-all in classes. But I'm trying to monitor that situation. And sometimes I have bad days where I wish I were invisible. Not so that I can be stealthy and mischievous, but so that I can be alone and unseen without be alone. But that doesn't ever last long.

I anticipate that 2011 will be a great year for me. I look forward to hearing back about PhD program interviews soon. I need to apply for graduation before long. And I have all sorts of ideas for research I can do, and somehow that excites me.

So, that is an update. Life is good. And I am rad. And so are you.

kiddie karma

2010-12-31T17:54:00.000-07:00

So, there are two sister missionaries living in my basement. And I, being the charming and mature individual that I am, have taken great delight in taunting them with my nephew and nieces' cuteness. "Look at this cute and cuddly baby. Don't you just wish you could hold him? Oh wait...you can't...bwahaha." Most days I would draw attention to the kiddos, and then would allude to the mission rule that bans missionaries holding young children.

And then...karma. Last night, I started to sneeze on occasion. I assumed it was the hay or the citrus from outside. But alas, no. The symptoms increased in both intensity and quantity. I seem to have been affected by a cold. Drat. And, being the not-entirely-cruel lass that I am, I didn't want to make my nephew or nieces ill. So I've been keeping my distance and haven't gotten to hold them. And they are still cute and cuddly. And tonight/tomorrow will be the last time I see them. And I can't touch them. Dang karma. Next times, I won't taunt missionaries.

Also, happy Voldemort's birthday.

No, I'm not a high schooler...

2010-12-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

On Friday night my parents took Rachel and I to the Verizon store to upgrade our 2+ years old phones. At one point, the sales associate asked if Rachel and I were high school students. Nope...I'm applying to PhD programs. I also got the vibe the he was judging us for not getting smartphones with internet and for not getting accessories. From that point on, I was somewhat prone to be passive aggressively bratty by citing to Rachel, in a slightly louder than usual voice, all the research I am familiar with regarding the negative effects of smart phone use/cell phones on such things as interpersonal relations, parenting and child behavioral problems. I hope he overhead it. Moral of the story...sometimes I'm bratty. And I use social science research as a weapon. Because I'm a nerd. Also, I'm awesome.

Word to the wise

2010-12-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

The Sunday before finals week is a horrible time to start praying to become more humble. Just sayin'.

Study ritual

2010-12-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

As previously alluded to, I have an interesting study ritual. In my parenting class I teach a lesson covering the use of routines and rituals. It inspired me to start a ritual to add meaning and structure to my thesis work in hopes of making the task less aversive.

Somehow, I decided that to ritualize my thesis work, I would weak a piece of fake bling (a pendant resembling a dollar-sign on a chain), acquired from a dollar store years ago, whenever working on my thesis. Putting it on is preceded by listening to a particular style of music. Thus far, this ritual has worked quite well for me, and after such study sessions as the one pictured above, my thesis is out to my committee and I hope to propose soon. Generally, the ritual does not require further wardrobe changes, but sometimes, it's fun to go all out. I like to consider it my way of "putting the 'stud' in 'study'".

One of my roommates already had a study ritual in place that consists of her only studying when she is at home, sitting on the couch, wearing sweats. The other, after hearing the concept of a study ritual, decided to build a study fort in which to do her studies. That lasted several weeks but has since died out.

I love applying the things I learn in school

Cute.

2010-12-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with a potential student. It is someone who is currently registered for my parenting class for next semester but is not yet sure if having the class will conflict with a work schedule. But she wants to take my class because she really likes my teaching style. That is the cute part. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I substitute taught a marital enhancement class a few weeks ago. The lesson was to be on parenting, and since I am the resident expert among the MFTs, a classmate who TAs the class invited me to guest lecture. And so, with about an hour to prepare, I managed to brush up on one of my favorite topics and then have one of my finer teaching experiences presenting it to the class. The topic (emotion coaching) was appealing, I was real and engaging, and learning activities included instruction with PowerPoint, role plays, discussion, and then breaking into partnerships and applying learned concepts to a scenario. It went really well. I think that at least half of the class participated through asking or responding to questions, and I had three or four students come up to me afterwards to ask me specific parenting questions, with one wanting to know if I'd be her therapist.

Then a few days ago, one of the students called and left me a message, indicating that she had some questions about my class. It took me two days to call back, but when I did, she informed me that she was registered for my class. Generally she doesn't take day classes due to work conflicts, but she said that she really liked my teaching style and really wanted to take the class from me and wants to try to see if she can extend her lunch break at work to make it possible. Tender. Compliments like that just make my day. To think that I taught in a way that was so engaging and beneficial that people want to rearrange their schedules to take a class from me is high praise, and I am very grateful. I am also jazzed to have another coworker and a former roommate who want to and are registered to take the class from me. It seems that I must be doing something right. And I am glad.

And now I need to finish writing the final...and do lesson plans for the last week of classes.

Also, I realized today that my academic life is full of awesome things (and awesome people, but that is another topic). And my letters of intent look really impressive. But the things that I have done that are most impressive are not things that I have strategically done to boost my resume. When I started this program I didn't intend to go on for PhD. Throughout this program I have simply pursued the things I love doing (working in the coding lab, teaching, learning, doing therapy). And those are the things that will make me stand out as an applicant. It's neat to know that the things I most love are the things that most prepare me for what I am pursuing. As I move towards a PhD, which is intimidating, it is good to know that it is a good fit and that I am likely to be very happy in my continued education, and in making use of it thereafter.

Boycott

2010-12-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

In trying to make sense of yesterday's weakness/imbalance spells, I have come to recognize that my body is boycotting its current working conditions of overfunctioning and undersleeping. My body and my brain are currently in negotiations regarding the matter. Thus far my brain as agreed to allow my body to sleep more. Further negotiation is underway in hopes of retaining sufficient productivity for the remaining week-and-a-half of the semester.

What the weakness?

2010-12-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

I think I might be getting sick. Which would be horrible timing. Heinous. Ridiculously inconvenient and quite problematic. I hope that such is not the case. But, I am noticing that I am uncharacteristically weak and prone to disorientation/imbalance. For example: When I rode the elevator up a floor, the momentum/gravity made my knees bend, and I could regain an upright position again until the elevator stopped, and I had to use the hand rail on the side. Also, I found it exhausting to plug in my laptop cord. Seriously? When I lean my head back, I have to use my hands to get it back up, and then I feel faint and dizzy. And standing up tends to be a little challenging too. Anyway, I need to get back to lesson preparation. I think that I will let my class out early today. I hope they don't mind :)

White and nerdy

2010-11-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

So here I am in the Taylor Building, working on my thesis on a Saturday. Sort of. I started working on my thesis. But as I started looking for articles on my thesis topic, I found other articles that aren't pertinent to my thesis, but that I find fascinating. So I started reading those. In turn, they reference other articles that sound fascinating, so I look them up in the bibliography and then on the online database and I start reading over them, and so on and so forth. And it makes me want to read more and research further literature on interesting topics, and buy books online (confession, I bought a 600+ page book full of research on socialization online within the last hour...I couldn't help myself). So, this experience is a further witness to me that I am making a good decision to carry on and work towards a PhD. (P.S. I completed and submitted one of my applications last night.) Because I think that research is fun. There, I said it. Does that make me a nerd? If so, that's cool. And if not, I'm sure something else will qualify me for that descriptor. And I'm okay with that. Also, I'm wearing my fake bling right now. I love my study ritual. Well, it's past time to get back to my thesis. Time for me to go put the 'stud' back in 'study'. Peace.

Thankfulness Letter Game...Take 2

2010-11-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

Theme for the day, things I am grateful for that relate to home (and by home I mean family & AZ):

A: Aunts

B: Bishop's office + cot

C: Cousins

D: Dad

E: Emily & Elizabeth

F: Fro-Yo and friends

G: Grandma & grandpa

H: Heidi & Home-cooked meals

I: Irving Elementary School

J: Jeff

K: Kristi

L: Love

M: Mom

N: Nieces and Nephew and Nori

O: Orange trees (navel, tangerine, tangelos)

P: Pleasant weather

Q: Quilted baby blanket

R: Rachel

S: Scorpion silhouette

T: Tender Mercy tradition

U: Uncles

V: Vega, as in Jeff's Chevy Vega

W: Walking next door

X: Xeric heat

Y: Young Women leaders to visit

Z: Zedo Ishikawa (yeah...this one is a stretch)

Gratitude and Letters

2010-11-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

Prompted by a question from my mom...here is a memory/thought on a way gratitude has blessed my life.

Despite a paucity of memories from my childhood, I remember Brother Don Epperson, from back in the days in Sunny Mesa Ward. I remember that he would write kind letters to people, and that he always did so in red ink on his personalized stationary. I was so impressed by that and decided that letter-writing was a great way to show interest in and appreciation of others.

As I grew into a teen, that memory stuck with me. I did a lot of letter-writing to friends and cousins, and assorted others. I have written well over 200 such letters in the past decade. When I was the Laurel president in Aspen ward and we were planning to have a cabin overnighter in conjunction with visiting the open house of the Snowflake Temple, I set a personal goal to write a personalized letter to teach of the 25 girls and leaders in the YW organization to be delivered at a devotional during that trip. Each letter was individualized to each girl, outlined some of their individual strengths, offered thanks for their positive influence in my life and let them know that they were loved.

Later, when I was a Resident Assistant in the dorms at BYU, I decided to adopt this practice again. In the two years that I was an RA, I wrote 150 letters to the freshman girls I served. The hours spent writing those letters were almost sacred as I pondered on the strengths of each girl. The preceding weeks and months of anticipating this practice helped me to be attuned to the strengths each girl possessed, and their influence for good for me and others. It was there. And looking for it allowed me to have eyes to see it.

I loved the girls I served in Young Womens and in Kimball Hall at BYU. I saw, to a small degree, the good in them that the Lord sees and knows to be in each. It blessed my life to see them that way. I don't know to what extent any of those letters made a difference to anyone else. But they made a difference to me. Hopefully I was able to provide some support or encouragement that made a difference. And who knows? Maybe someone will carry on the tradition of expressing gratitude that I learned from Brother Epperson. And if someone did, I know expressing gratitude would bless their life, and it would likely bless the lives of others as well.

Thankfulness Letter Game

2010-11-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

So, there have been times (namely, on my mission, and when sharing a room with my sister Rachel for a few days) that I have engaged in what I like to consider 'the alphabet gratitude game'. I may have played it last year for a blogpost. I don't remember and I'm not going to check until after this is posted. Anyway...it consists of picking a category (or not) and writing things I'm grateful for for each letter of the alphabet. I figure that perhaps I'll pick a few categories and do a few lists this Thanksgiving week in an attempt to attain and maintain an attitude of gratitude. So, for this post I will focus on some of the things I am grateful for that relate to my graduate program.

A: Andy & Adam; Atlanta

B: Business cards

C: Chrissy & Carol. Also...CBT

D: Dave & Denhi & Dave

E: Emotion coaching substitute lecture

F: Fu Fan and Faculty

G: Group ("this is our group...arrr!") and Garret

H: Heating and air conditioning

I: Intern Office

J: Jim Harper (aka Dr. Harper)

K: Krysti

L: Liz and Lori and Lexie

M: Marietta and Murder Mystery Dinner

N: Negotiation/Compromise (NC) skills

O: Organization

P: Parenting Psychoeducation Group; PsycINFO database access

Q: Quality Time (QT) with classmates and coworkers

R: Research Assistantship (aka coding)

S: Sexual Response Cycle assignment

T: Teaching SFL 240...and Therapy (as a therapist)

U: Unity in the cohort (seriously; it's rad)

V: Vicky (and the color Velveeta Yellow)

W: Walking to class; weekly supervision; What if

X: Xerox/Copy machine with the capacity to email scanned images to yourself

Y: Young couples as clients

Z: Zions Nat'l Park...only 4 hours away (yeah...that was a stretch

To-Do list

2010-11-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

My Thanksgiving week to-do list:

-Write and submit the second draft of my thesis prospectus

-Finish and submit PhD applications for UGA and BYU

-Finish grading; post grades; return assignments

-Catch up on treatment plans and summaries

-Create 240 final

-Class readings

-Write papers

-Code

Working too much?

2010-11-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

I think I've been working too much today. One might inquire, 'What makes you think that?' Well, it took me a while to figure it out. Somehow, having logged in approximately 13 hours on Kronos wasn't sufficient to alert me the excessiveness of my working. The clue that tipped me off was the spontaneous breaking into interpretive dance to a Disney song around the lab. And the fact that this happened at 11:30pm on a Friday night pretty much added the necessary context to link my behavior with working too much. It's happened before, so I am somewhat familiar with the signs. Oh well. At least it's a fun side-effect.

Ph.D.

2010-11-05T02:10:00.001-06:00

I've started working on the application process for Ph.D. programs. Yesterday I started my BYU application and requested my letters of recommendation. Today I created a curriculum vitae. I look pretty good on paper. Next step is to start the online application process for Texas Tech and University of Georgia. And to write my letter of intent. I'm excited. Deadlines for two of the schools are in less than a month. Bring it.